Beach Day - ID# 19
Lyons Township
Comedic Narrative
Entry Description
This is the story of an artist who decides to do some painting on a nice day at the beach, but he runs into some competition. Who is the better artist?
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/23 12:23 pm - Love the concept. Nice job setting vibe with the cinematography, editing and music. Good idea not revealing anything until the end - adds more comedy. Probably too long. The ending makes sense, and I see what you were going for, but the joke didn't quite land. Maybe you needed a tonal shift where the music changes or goes away as we see what they are arguing about. A well-done short film that just misses the mark. You might consider a re-edit - there's lots of good stuff in there.
- 4/23 10:10 am - I thought the editing, lighting, and camera work was well done. I also thought the actors' physical comedy was done well. The biggest issue for me was the story. I didn't quite understand what the what was going on. I think you could have played up the tension between the two a little more and that would have come across better that the two were competing against each other.
- 4/21 12:12 pm - Great establishing camera shot at the beginning of the video to catch the viewer's attention. Music selection works well with the images you recorded. Good variety of different camera angles throughout the video. Good close-up camera shots at 1 minute and 7 seconds. Editing is well done. Keep producing more videos.
Judge 1
Positives: Nice opening shots to set the scene at the beach. Good use of close-ups on the eyes and parts of the paintings and brushes.
Improvements: Dutch angle during the opening turning 90 degrees seemed gratuitous and didn't set anything up. Picking up the pace of shot edits towards the end might have heightened the drama and set up the punchline of the childish paintings at the end.
Judge 2
Positives: Perfect setting for the story. The natural light and the surrounding area definitely increase the production value. The first painter was cast well. Believable, as he seemed to have the right equipment, clothing and technique. Music also set the right tone.
Improvements: The story was a little weak. The twist was pretty obvious and could be guessed early on. The second painter was not believable from the start and during the argument appeared to be smiling/laughing. The argument as a whole was overacted by both actors. Could have used some clever dialogue. The silent film technique didn't accomplish it's goal and ended up just being confusing.
Judge 3
Positives: Great use of music, and scenery/location. Ending had a fun twist in that they were both very untalented artists. Very fun film and I hope you keep making them!
Improvements: I think because there wasn't a ton of smaller gags leading up to the ultimate punchline, you could've probably tightened up the edit a little more and cut some redundancies and extended shots. The other option would be to throw in a few more fun visuals along the way to optimize the viewer's interest. While I do love the silent film format, I think you could've skipped a lot of the mouth flap at the end when we don't know what the characters are actually saying. Or make what they're saying more obvious. All that said, it is great work, and I hope you're very proud of this!
Judge 4
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Judge 5
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