Oh, Snap - ID# 228
Antioch Community High School
Comedic Narrative
Entry Description
A pencil gets in the way of creative writing project.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/25 2:52 pm - Simple and relatable story. Some of the sound effects were a little loud and jarring. I like that your used them. Maybe different effects could've worked better, or if you lowered the volume on them so they blended better with the other sound.
- 4/24 9:43 pm - Camera shots look good, with lots of interesting variety. Story is easy to follow without dialogue, though not really very engaging. We never really feel her struggles, or why she is writing - why should we care? The random appearance of her notebook didn't help. Clearly this was a class assignment where you were asked to add sound effects - some work and some don't, and some actions have no sounds at all. Generally good attempt here, but honestly this feels like a first draft/rough edit.
- 4/21 12:50 pm - Good variety of different camera angles throughout the video. Good use of the close-up camera shot. Good use of sound effects. Editing is well done. Keep producing more videos.
Judge 1
Positives: Little things are always a good excuse for not getting started on a school project. Writing utensils are a good scapegoat. You got a variety of shot angles to maintain some visual interest and nice close-ups on the action. The background noise of the library or commons was a nice touch.
Improvements: Some more, even tighter reaction shots from your writer would have helped to build tension. Some verbal sounds or frustrated grunts would have built some more tension. The pencil sharpener sound didn't match the action. "This works!" seems to have already been on the paper before she tested the pen.
Judge 2
Positives: The premise seems to work in the sense that the main character has an obstacle to overcome and the viewer gets sucked into wanting to know how they will overcome it. The acting seemed believable in that regard.
Improvements: I was left with a feeling of complete confusion at the end. I was waiting for some kind of resolution but it never materialized. I kept thinking that the pencil was a metaphor from something else but I couldn't figure it out. Also the sound effects were way too loud compared to the relative silence in between them.
Judge 3
Positives: Interesting use of sound design that took on a bit of a surreal feel. Fun little short, that had a simple "to the point" plot. ...See what I did there?
Improvements: While I do appreciate the brevity, I'd suggest adding some more substance to either the character or the story, or both. Narratively, there isn't a lot to play with here, so you could add in any number of things to punch things up.
Judge 4
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Judge 5
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