Gold

Parkinson's On Ice

Neuqua Valley

Documentary

Entry Description

This is an excerpt of my nine minute documentary. The documentary is about my Aunt and her everyday battles with Parkinson's disease and how she uses hockey, a sport she loves, to help her get through her day.

Judge 1

Positives: This is so emotional. I love seeing people overcome their obstacles. Not only that, but they find something they are so passionate for, that it actually physically relieves their symptoms. Great portrayal. She is so well spoken. She clearly and concisely told her story. She was easy to understand and follow. A well-spoken talent adds so much production quality to a documentary.

Improvements: So much b-roll of her playing hockey in the beginning, but she doesnt mention it until almost 2 minutes into the piece. Simple rule for that: Use your visuals to enhance your story. If she is talking hockey, show hockey. If she is talking about waking up in the morning, maybe fake a morning shot, or have one of her drinking coffee. I also think you could have added a few interviews of her friends and family and how they see hockey help her. They add a dimension of outside understanding to your piece.

Judge 2

Positives: This was a wonderful story about overcoming obstacles. I think this documentary was very well done. It's a strong message that everyone should pay attention to. It does a great job of explaining the disease and the battles she encounters every day. The interview was very informative and all of the b-roll footage shown throughout the interview kept your attention and the story flowing at a nice pace. I appreciated that the end of the documentary showed how you can take action and help a wonderful cause.

Improvements: The audio for her interview isn't the strongest. It sounds like it dips in and out. The other audio of her playing hockey sounds great. The one mess up she has in the interview when she says "took my hockey sticks, I mean my figure skates" could have been easily fixed by putting the b-roll footage over this part and removing "my hockey sticks, I mean." The audio should have connected decently where you wouldn't have even noticed there was a mess up. Take full advantage of b-roll footage when this happens! That's why you have it!

Judge 3

Positives: Very interesting story. That's amazing that she has hockey in her life that helps her cope. Great pacing and flow in the edit (until the end).

Improvements: Very abrupt ending. I know this an excerpt but it should still flow and have an ending. The end literally cuts off her dialogue. Needed to fade out the sound and picture and needed to end the story. Great broll but I wouldn't included the behind the glass / net shot. The glass was very dirty with black marks and you could barely see.