Learning to Breathe - ID# 22

Wheaton North
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description

Learning to breathe short film.

Copyright Info

Recent Teacher Comments

  • 4/30 7:48 pm - This film brilliantly captures the horror of grief. The sound design is amazing, the animation is frightening, and telling this story through an “analogue” horror lens is a really interesting choice. I’m not sure if you have seen David Lynch’s early work, but this reminded me of it. Your film is scary, sad, and hopeful all in five minutes. While it might be jarring for some, I like how the film gets less analogue as your character gets closer to coming to terms with their grief. Your animated character becomes more human and the video effects disappear in your final shot. Really well executed. There is a shadow of a tripod at 4:18. Other than that, this is excellent. You are clearly a gifted artist and I can’t wait to see more of your work.
  • 4/30 10:56 am - I applaud you for making an animation to begin with. Especially the ability to portray first person pint of view through illustration. The overlay of animation and live action is super effective in the bedroom and radio shot scenes. When the image of the face appears on different parts of the frame, I really wanted to see more of it. I feel like it disappeared too fast. The straight cut to the subject laying in the parking lot lost my attention. I am much more drawn to the made up figure/body in relation to the spaces grounded in reality, rather than the actual human subject. It feels more visually daring when these artistic risks are taken. These images might take more time to achieve, but they super effective in the work you're doing. Keep it up!
  • 4/29 10:52 am - Strengths: Very cool concept and mixing of styles. Combining the "safety" of animation with the horror imagery created a rather harrowing effect. Simple, yet effective imagery. I had to look away from the screen a few times! Appropriate use of SFX. Improvements: The pacing in the beginning felt a bit slow for me; instead of building the tension, it took away for the build you were trying to create. Think about how long shots need to be held for the audience to take away what you intend of them vs. staying too long. Seeing the face around 2:20 was an example of a time when the shot was held for a long enough time because something was changing- face image becoming brighter.
Judge 1

Positives: I thought the stop motion graphics were an interesting aspect and definitely unique. The sound effects worked really well and the levels weren't too distracting.

Improvements: The story was kind of confusing. I think more technical camera work could have been used because the figures were on the screen for a while and were static for too long. I'm not sure what the resolution was. The lighting in the daytime shots could have been more saturated. The text on the screen was also a bit subtracting because it didn't stay up for very long and then blended into the face so it made it hard to see.

Judge 2

Positives: Apply this to film festivals outside of your high school. This is some of the best filmmaking I've watched in a long time. The combination of mediums, the heartfelt storytelling, and the mood and tone established in this-- Truly breathtaking. Your illustrations and animations were truly terrifying, and your story is deeply original and heartfelt.

Improvements: I'm really nitpicking. There's only 3 things about this short I think could be done much better. Instead of a black box covering a license plate, consider using a mosaic. That would fit better with the overall look of the film and be less distracting. I'm not sure if there was a narrative reason, but it seems like you forgot to place it on the plate again the second time it shows up, which kind of defeats the purpose. The first shot once we exit the dreams cuts away too fast, and is all together not needed. Cut that, and save yourself some time. Finally, watch the legibility of your captions. The last line, which is arguably one of the most important, I had to pause and squint to read. You can use something in the background to darken where it shows up, or choose a gold/yellow instead of white. Other than that, I have really no other notes. Incredible job.

Judge 3

Positives: There's so much I really appreciate about this film. For one out of all of the films this year this one had the clearest voice, the clearest direction and intention. Realizing that this project is a visual representation of sleep, paralysis caused by an incredible trauma was tragically beautiful to uncover. I felt like you were working through something making this project and I felt it too. The animation is incredible. Such a strong choice. I love the mixed media and working with animation on top of live action footage and drawing on type of live action footage. Extremely creative. Extremely intentional. Rich with emotion. And not gonna lie. I definitely cried a little bit. So very well done, definitely give it around to some friends and family. Get their opinions on it clean it up a bit tighten up some of the audio and the visual things I'll say lower in the need to be improved. And I genuinely think this could go onto more festivals and do very well.

Improvements: I have two very tiny issues with this short. One is that the line you know that I'll always be here with you and I'll never forget you right" is hard to read, which is an easy fix. The other issue is that I would explore adding a bit more to the second half I really like how you have the shots of the trees and I wish we had more of that. I wish you went into what looks like a preserve and got more bureau to cut in to this incredible dialogue sequence.

Judge 4

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Judge 5

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