Unscripted - ID# 224

Highland Park
Comedic Narrative
Entry Description

A high school senior has a tough time deciding whether he wants to make a comedic or dramatic narrative to submit to film school applications.

Copyright Info

Recent Teacher Comments

  • 4/23 11:08 am - Nice job with your amplified sound design. It gives the film a cool, elevated sense of being with your frustrated character - almost as if you are inside their head. We all know how frustrating it can be to deal with writer's block and indecisiveness when creating. You did a nice job of capturing that feeling. One thing to think about concerning narrative, is making your character’s choice slightly more active. I like the meta idea of us watching the movie the character is struggling to write, but perhaps they could have arrived at that decision themselves instead of leaving it to chance. Your filmmaking skills are evident. I really enjoyed your movie! Keep going!
  • 4/22 2:02 pm - This was really impressive. I love the typing and opening shots. The sound composition and the shots really worked to pull the viewer in. The montag of the paper falling, the post-it notes shot, and then quick cuts and music were excellent and really worked to heightened the stress. Really nice work with the cuts and pace overall. I think the viewer needs more information about what he is trying to write, as the shot of the piece of paper was really quick and a bit hard to read. It was unclear what the two pogs were that he flipped. Also having the actor change from regular clothes to pajamas would also have helped show a change of time, change of days, etc. Keep up the great work!
Judge 1

Positives: Really appreciated the pacing, simplicity and creative editing! Also some really cool shots, like the ones from inside the trashcan. This looked very clean, and the eyes were able to focus on all the right stuff at all the right times. Great visual storytelling!

Improvements: As straightforward as this premise is, I do feel like some more apparent examples of comedy would've helped this film serve better as a comedic narrative. It seems the decision between comedy and drama was obviously a matter of some contention, so maybe that consideration came understandably late in the process. This is really excellent work, and regardless of the genre (labels are for cans, etc) I do hope you keep making awesome films!

Judge 2

Positives: I like how the story wasn't a comedy or a drama and the choice between the two came down to a coin flip. Could have been either and still worked at describing what this short film actually was. I took fine acting to pull that off. The pacing was perfect. I almost always comment that people should make most of their shots shorter but the editing really worked here. Love the shot at 0:56 when the clock is the last thing you see.

Improvements: 0:39 there is a shot with a very readable sentence... but you didn't give the viewer time enough to read it. At 1:02 and 1:11 you insert shots of a traditional clock. The times represented in each shot were fairly confusing and I was wondering what your motivation was for including these shots. I'm only being nit-picky because I liked the project so much! Keep at it. Stay unconventional. Stay interesting.

Judge 3

Positives: i love the cinematography. i think a lot of people forget comedies can have so much more depth with intentional/creative shot composition, yours really excelled at that balance the senior has of balancing comedic and dramatic. the editing is also very strong!! i love the pacing throughout this, it feels like every editing choice was planned/intentional and not just cutting to random shots.

Improvements: the story itself fell pretty flat, i wish we got a little bit more over the top comedy moments i think narration of his inner dialogue would help make the story stronger

Judge 4

Positives: Love the opening title sequence with the dissolves. The added sound effects such as foot steps, the cap opening, etc all added more audible POP to the story. Love your montage! Music on point, the shots are simply framed so they cut well quickly, we understand the action clearly.

Improvements: Make sure to not make these sounds too hot (loud) so they feel realistic in the mix. Keeping the story short was lovely, 2/3 minutes feels like a great sweat spot for shortform comedic narratives. I would be careful with the intention behind the story. I first watched the film without the reading your description and they the person was anxious about an assignment and flipped the coin as for the grade they expect to receive. It's important to be cognizant of the audience coming into the lovely film you made without the context you have from making it. Where this was possibly lost was the over the shoulder shot at 0:12 & 0:24. After pausing I saw the checklist to make a film for submissions, and the white board said make a move for college. But you needed a insert of the text on the top and bottom long enough for us as the audience to read a process. Hope your school submissions are/went well!

Judge 5

Positives:

Improvements: