Butterflies and Goodbyes - ID# 277
Maine South
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
A chance meeting and exchange of sketchbooks leads Farânak and John to bond, despite not speaking the same language.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/22 7:57 pm - Excellent use of diegetic music with the headphones, and the incorporation of the animations are very impressive and contribute a lot to the story! I love the subtitled narration and accompanying footage – truly moving. So many things about this are next level (college, independent), but the scene at the Guggenheim was rushed, unintelligible and unclear. My guess is there is a longer version of this that makes more sense and you cut it down for this fest, but still – something felt missing in the ending. The camerawork outdoors was very impressive – the indoor footage may have benefited from more subtle three-point lighting. Overall, truly impressive and moving short film – keep up the outstanding work!
- 3/19 10:05 am - This is a beautiful story you told. Your editing was powerful and kept me engaged in the story the entire time. The addition of digital butterflies was nicely done and professional. The story is amazing and incorporating a language barrier in this style was very creative. Your camera shots were unique and the overlaying you edited in was well done. Showing the struggles of someone trying to communicate was powerful and I felt the pain she was feeling. The connection between your two characters being shown with the butterflies was nicely done. Great work.
- 2/21 1:50 pm - I appreciate the fact that your story is simple and magical at the same time. This is, I don't know, 10-30 minutes of our life and how much can change in that time. I appreciate the care you took with sound design and editing - the change in perspective between earbuds in and out - very nice touch. Of course, the butterflies are making it all happen! Charming and touching.
Judge 1
Positives: The opening sequence and internal monologue worked really well, and I really enjoyed the excellent / fast-paced edit to put us in the protagonists mind. I also really liked the shift to the other lead half-way through - a very strong move that absolutely worked. Camera work / lighting was also great - I could get into the characters through the framing, and light was consistent and well done. Lastly, the juxtaposition of fast and slow - both in cutting and sound design, worked really well.
Improvements: The quick-cuts over the girls VO was a little tough to follow because my attention was split between absorbing the visuals, and reading the text. I'll admit this is a tough one to balance, but I think there could be a more elegant solution that allows both to shine. I also felt the "meet cute" scene (coffee spilling) could have had a bit more depth / nuance to it - we've seen this scene as an audience before, and I wanted something that would make it stand out on it's own even more.
Judge 2
Positives: I really enjoyed the quick cuts and especially at the beginning, it got me excited for the rest of the film. The sound was really well done. The framing of your shots I could tell was definitely very thought out which is always important and I think most of the shots looked really cinematic.
Improvements: The story itself kind of got jumbled up for me, I thought we would stay with the first character that was introduced. I think there was too much trying to be resolved within 5 minutes. Also, just make sure all the coloring matches with every shot, I could see it jumping around every so often.
Judge 3
Positives: I like that they didn’t choose to do a conventional A ->B ->C structure, I also liked the dual protagonist perspective storytelling. Also, taking on a story in multiple languages with multiple perspectives is a daunting concept and I appreciate that the team chose to tell this story!
Improvements: As for the storytelling structure, I see the vision, but I think it doesn’t come through super strongly in the short film because of the pacing. I invite you to think about how the plot could move in one singular motion towards the climax instead of having time period cuts and daybreaks. The current structure is a bit clunky. The swapping of journals by mistake wasn’t immediately clear. It’s not highlighted to the audience, and since this is the pivotal mechanism of the story, I think it is worth it to take time and over communicate this part with something straightforward, like an insert shot. Similarly, with the note falling, I only saw that it fell from the book on the second viewing since it is so close to the bottom of the frame.
Judge 4
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Judge 5
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