A Voice - ID# 3
Glenbrook North
Comedic Narrative
Entry Description
During a high-pressure exam, a student’s mind spirals into chaos as emotions clash and thoughts collide, transforming an ordinary test into an unpredictable inner journey. Will he find focus, or will the storm inside overwhelm him?
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/23 12:10 pm - This is a really great concept for a short film, and you are doing some excellent filmmaking! The staging starting at :40 goes a long way to show us this character’s isolation. You could have easily done voice over, but the decision to show us these voices as different versions of himself is much more cinematic and visually interesting. The editing is great and you are making very interesting lighting choices. There are some sound issues that maybe could be resolved by turning up dialogue in the mix. Also, I like that the father’s voicemail acts as a resolution for the character’s test anxiety, but perhaps if that were set up a little in the first act it would have even more impact. The character could also use a little agency. His anxiety is happening to him, his father’s voice is the resolution for him, but what does he do? How does he overcome the challenge? And how does he change as a result? These are things to think about for future narratives. This is a really awesome film! Keep making movies!
- 4/22 2:19 pm - Really engaging setup! The way you had the characters interact—especially with the overlapping dialogue to create that sense of a crowded, chaotic space—was super impressive. It felt natural and dynamic, and the pacing in those moments was spot-on. Great work pulling that off! That said, the audio could use some refining to elevate the overall impact. When we cut to the single shot in the dark room, consider switching up the music to match the mood shift more clearly—it would help the transition feel more intentional. Same goes for the flashback scenes of scrolling; a new music cue there could really underscore the change in time and tone. The bathroom scene also slowed the pace a bit too much. Once the second character enters, the momentum stalls. Between the voicemail playback and the internal voices, it feels like there’s a chunk of dead air—about 30 seconds—that could be tightened up to keep the tension and engagement high. Overall though, strong concept, strong characters, and a lot of potential. With some audio tweaks and pacing adjustments, this could be even more powerful! Keep up the great work, this was a huge undertaking and you definitely achieved much of what was originally envisioned.
Judge 1
Positives: Wow! This was inspiring stuff. Genuinely so impressed by this. Not to overshare as a film competition judge, but I have a mindscape much like the one depicted in this rather brilliant film. I'm sure this will speak to a lot of people that feel similarly afflicted. The best part, most essential part (which unfortunately is all too often overlooked in many submissions) is a complete narrative structure. That ending really tied everything together in a heartfelt way and made the whole thing that much better. The lightning, the multiplication of the lead character, the overlapping voices and differentiation between their personalities, all done rather masterfully. As someone who struggled with academia, test-taking, and just being evaluated in general, I'd say fear not about those tests and grades. You got it where it counts, and your passion is evident. Please, please, please keep making films. You've got a bright future ahead if this is where you're at already!
Improvements: Only very superficial, minor stuff. Maybe a little too quick of an edit on the shot of the test early on.
Judge 2
Positives: Great use of compositing! The image layers looked seemless and the device of multiple main characters was easy to understand and watch. The story made sense and the acting got the point across with little distraction. I especially liked the hard lighting in the sequences that took place inside the characters mind.
Improvements: The timing and pacing could have been quicker. Some shots went long. The story was easy to understand but there could have been more development with the main character. I would have liked to see him finish the test. At 4:04 the other character looked at the camera in the mirror. Good lesson to learn there is to get multiple good takes while shooting so you have more options to choose from in post. But overall, I think you did great!
Judge 3
Positives: i loved the dark comedic tone, the editing of each new voice in his head was really spot on and read well. i also thought the editing + sound mixing was great. the cuts between the inner monologue to real life were really effective for the story you're telling. especially the balancing of the inner dialogue with the real life noises and notifications!
Improvements: i think the title sequence could be much more improved if it were to come on screen at the end of the first scene, before the spotlight shot. if it were to appear on screen with no gradient, i think it would make the tone of this short more established. i think this is incredibly strong and my only other thing that could be improved in my eyes are exploring more with cinematography to encapsulate the feeling of constant inner dialogue.
Judge 4
Positives: One of the key things in cinematography is depth, that's what makes a difference between film and theatre. The opening shot is a great example of this, the people in the front help build a deeper sense of space. Love the wide shot that's crowded by the different versions of the protagonist, I feel the lighting is most solid here, in the opening shot in the scene where he's just in the void the top light reads super hot (over exposed). The different personalities are lovely! In summary: Your technical elements are solid, the dog video scene gave me a good laugh and the ending squarely puts this in a light comedy genre. Keep improving! Distributors want more comedy's and happy stories compared to dramas which are harder sells, it's a great genre to explore.
Improvements: Be careful with gain we recording dialog, we have noticable noise between scenes. Shot at 2:39 is reading completing differently as previous shots, to be clear, this looks much better than pervious cuts of this shot, but they should match. In some shots in the void we see different lighting in the background, if you can't cover them on the day I would recommend painting them out in editing. You're establishing a great space for our protagonists mind, but when the one thing of color that isn't our character is floating in the space out attention in pulled to it. Frame or two of black at 3:41, if this is intentional it's the first time and only time in the project which makes it feel like a mistake. For a few shot in the bathroom scene we have actors so are half out of the frame, it might be personal preference but with certain elements like the top of head you either want it in or out of the frame, is the head just barely going out of frame or is it staying out of frame and we are cropping in. Otherwise, I really enjoy the composition and blocking of actors, good job!
Judge 5
Positives:
Improvements: