Surviving Online Shopping - ID# 305
Deerfield
News Package
Entry Description
In an era of online shopping, one area brick and mortar jewelry store still brings in the shoppers.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/12 2:29 pm - Good shots, good nats, I really liked the close ups. It was an interesting story - the video was unable to load when I went back for a second look to give more feedback but from the first pass I was impressed with the story
Judge 1
Positives: - I appreciate you going into the community and interviewing both the jewelry store employees. Their perspective added good context to the story. - Nice job capturing shots around the jewelry store.
Improvements: - This story does not need music, which didn't seem to fit the story in some spots too. Let the natural sound tell the story. Let's hear interactions between the store owners and their customers. - This story lacked flow, because you changed your style mid-way through. You start with reporter track, then pivot to a string of soundbites with a slate asking a question. Commit to weaving in your writing with soundbites.
Judge 2
Positives: -Great use of shots /diverse video angles -well written! I liked how natural the reporter sounded when narrating the story
Improvements: -I would suggest starting stories with characters to make it more personable. For instance, you could've shown the father and son working... describing how they have a bond over a business that's been a part of their life for decades, etc. --This pkg could use some natural sound as transitions. Example: You could add audio of the jeweler working on a piece... or the father/son talking to potential clients etc.
Judge 3
Positives: This story had a good angle. Instead of just being an overview of a jewelry store, it was an interesting comparison of online shopping to a multigenerational family-owned brick-and-mortar store. The b-roll from inside the jewelry store was commendable, especially the employees working with customers.
Improvements: The package could've been rearranged to improve the progression and tell a better story. It should've started with the problem: the students' preference for shopping online. Then introduce the store and its owners to explain why their in-store experience is better than online shopping. Then include some interviews with the store's customers to explain why they prefer shopping at the store versus online. This would've been a nice progression from problem to resolution. Reporter stand-up shots and more voiceover with the elimination of other elements would've have made this package more professional. Using the reporter beyond just the intro and outro would've helped transition from one segment to the next. Graphics like the one at around the :54 mark asking "Why is online shopping so preferable today?" are not typically used in news packages. Instead, this transition should be done by the reporter. Also, music beds are not typically used in news packages. (The scoring matrix for this competition states, "If music is used, it can only be from natural sound."
Judge 4
Positives:
Improvements:
Judge 5
Positives:
Improvements: