Horse Story - ID# 311
Vernon Hills
Comedic Narrative
Entry Description
Short Film I made over summer 2024 at camp. I co-wrote, co-directed, and played the titular Horse. A silly little story with a forbidden romance at it's core.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/23 11:24 am - The reveal at the end really makes this movie work! Of course you also have some really great horse jokes and funny green screen bits. The idea that this all happening in the make believe world of a kid playing her toys is perfect for the category. The technical stuff also works well. Sometimes I had a little difficult time hearing Horse, but I think the choice to have him talk through the mask works for the aesthetic. Really nice work on this! Keep going!
- 4/22 2:08 pm - This was a fun execution of a pretty absurd concept. I really liked a lot of the puns (high horse), over-the-top jokes (the Wanted Sign and the Spaghetti and the Moose cousin), and the green screen portion. You all knew what this was and your jokes matched the style so well. The point of view of the cop running was a nice change of wide and medium shots! Two things that could help a little with the execution; try to alter your shots a little, like you did at the end, where you have more medium and tight shots and also different angles. In the beginning, you simple rely on the two-shot which breaks the magic of “narrative”. Also, mic’ing the horse INSIDE the mask OR even just providing a voice-over of the horse’s lines would make the sound a bit more balanced. Overall, this is really funny and your jokes ALL landed. Keep up the great work!
Judge 1
Positives: The story is definitely whimsical and dreamlike, and plays within this world in some fun ways. I like the janky looking backdrops the characters are exploring together in that travel sequence. I think those add to the dream-like feel rather well.
Improvements: As fun as this seems to have been to make, I think maybe a little more effort in service of the plot would have further helped the audience come along for the ride. But seeing as this was based on a child's rather bizarre dream, I can forgive some narrative shortcomings. Keep making movies!
Judge 2
Positives: Wow. This story was out there from the beginning and only got more strange and interesting as it went on! The premise was just ridiculous enough for you to be able to get away with so much. "The government" was the most memorable idea/scene/actor in the project. Hilarious. Cutting back to the horse with the turned head was laugh-out-loud funny.
Improvements: Quicker cuts at times. The story flowed the best when the editing was faster with shorter takes. It's a small note... but it would have nice for the moose at 3:08 to come into focus. Overall, I thought it was intelligent and absurd and I really enjoyed it.
Judge 3
Positives: i thought this was really funny and well written. it's clearly super creative and you guys look like you had fun filming. i loved the green screen and travel montage sequence.
Improvements: i wish the cinematography was a little more stylized. i think this story could be so much funnier/ironic with more cinematic framing and compositions. i think the close up with the wide lens on the cop kid running towards them added a lot and it would be cool if that was consistently how he arrived in the scene.
Judge 4
Positives: I enjoyed the style of dry & deadpan humor throughout the film. Focusing on the writing is a great starting place. Everything else is in service of the story. The ending a great! The story doesn't take itself too seriously which is why you can enjoy the more campy elements of the production.
Improvements: I can tell you had fun making this film, that's a great thing. I wanted more depth outside of on one of the main characters being a horse. Their is a level of absurdity that remains fun with the premise throughout the film.
Judge 5
Positives:
Improvements: