Redefining the stroke - ID# 357
Shepard High School
Documentary
Entry Description
After the stroke, the story could’ve ended. Instead, he began a new one.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/30 4:28 pm - +Nice attention getter at the beginning. Good photos. I like how the interview has the pool behind it. Nice cinematography. -Story would benefit from having more than one person interviewed.
- 4/21 9:26 pm - KEEPERS: This is a remarkable story and it was very cool that you all had the opportunity to tell this story. The interviews were well done in terms of overall production value and the pacing of the edit was strong. I especially liked that you utilized both natural sound for additional flavor and that you used music to serve as transitional elements to move the story from one moment to the next. Great job filming broll of the swimmers and compiling the various meets that comprised Alex's journey. IMPROVEMENTS: I think a bit more backstory to this story was needed. It took a while for people to come out and say that both his arm and leg were disabled due to the stroke. I think having Alex say that at the beginning would set up the documentary better. To that end, I would have liked to have heard from a parent or guardian about Alex's recovery journey. I feel like there are unanswered questions overall. How long did the stroke keep him from the pool? When did he get the courage to go back in? When did he start competing again? I think these questions are important and answering them helps set up the story of recovery and overcoming adversity a bit better. I realize my suggestions are simply adding time to this piece but having that content may have made for a slightly different story. Finally, leave your lower third graphics on screen just a bit longer. Some of them were on too quick fo be read clearly. The general rule is at least 2.5-3 seconds. Overall, great story! Keep telling more of them!
Judge 1
Positives: -Great story subject -The b-roll was well shot for what it is -Liked the moment where more people chime in
Improvements: -Think outside of the box for visuals. Not every shot needs to be at the pool. Not every shot needs to be a wide/medium. Look at Nike Michael Phelps commercial -Incorporate more stylistic editing elements. No title card, nothing of note
Judge 2
Positives: Compelling story, and very emotionally weaved into the music choices, which were also great. I liked the editing arc of him ending up at state, I thought that was very suspenseful to the storytelling.
Improvements: I feel like we are missing and opportunity to talk about what it took to get to state: what his practices were like, what his health regime was like. there has got to be some kind of substance to support all this emotional music. otherwise, all we hear about it he had a stroke, and that he a really good guy. show us who he really is, and let the audience decide.
Judge 3
Positives: Great story, really inspiring. Loved the variety of the b-roll, lots of wide shots, some medium, and close-ups. Loved the pace, the project moved along and kept your interest. The story had heart.
Improvements: The choice of location and lighting for the interview with the coach.
Judge 4
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Judge 5
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