HAE Documentary - ID# 372
Bremen
Documentary
Entry Description
A look into the sturggles of how a student deals with a rare disease.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/13 7:45 pm - KEEPERS: Really well done narrative focusing on rare disease and people within that community. I am a father of a child with an ultra-rare disease and this personal narrative does a great job of laying out the typical pathway to a diagnosis that so many people in the rare disease community deal with. The interview setups are good and the broll is really compelling. I liked the sort of 8mm film treatment you put on some of the earlier parts. The music is emotional and changes with the story. Nicely done. IMPROVEMENTS: The story is a bit disjointed. I wish it would have stayed personal and not gone too far into promotional territory for the HAE. It almost feels like two docs sewn together. Keep this personal. Talk about the journey to discovering HAE and how that helped you. Then talk more personally about being within the rare disease community and the common goals of all organizations within it. That would keep the narrative consistent while still plugging HAE. Interview tip: each time you do a new interview set up put the new person on the opposite side of the frame as the last. That way it looks fresh and when you cut back and forth it provides a new perspective. Overall, good work!
- 4/13 7:45 pm - KEEPERS: Really well done narrative focusing on rare disease and people within that community. I am a father of a child with an ultra-rare disease and this personal narrative does a great job of laying out the typical pathway to a diagnosis that so many people in the rare disease community deal with. The interview setups are good and the broll is really compelling. I liked the sort of 8mm film treatment you put on some of the earlier parts. The music is emotional and changes with the story. Nicely done. IMPROVEMENTS: The story is a bit disjointed. I wish it would have stayed personal and not gone too far into promotional territory for the HAE. It almost feels like two docs sewn together. Keep this personal. Talk about the journey to discovering HAE and how that helped you. Then talk more personally about being within the rare disease community and the common goals of all organizations within it. That would keep the narrative consistent while still plugging HAE. Interview tip: each time you do a new interview set up put the new person on the opposite side of the frame as the last. That way it looks fresh and when you cut back and forth it provides a new perspective. Overall, good work!
- 4/13 7:45 pm - KEEPERS: Really well done narrative focusing on rare disease and people within that community. I am a father of a child with an ultra-rare disease and this personal narrative does a great job of laying out the typical pathway to a diagnosis that so many people in the rare disease community deal with. The interview setups are good and the broll is really compelling. I liked the sort of 8mm film treatment you put on some of the earlier parts. The music is emotional and changes with the story. Nicely done. IMPROVEMENTS: The story is a bit disjointed. I wish it would have stayed personal and not gone too far into promotional territory for the HAE. It almost feels like two docs sewn together. Keep this personal. Talk about the journey to discovering HAE and how that helped you. Then talk more personally about being within the rare disease community and the common goals of all organizations within it. That would keep the narrative consistent while still plugging HAE. Interview tip: each time you do a new interview set up put the new person on the opposite side of the frame as the last. That way it looks fresh and when you cut back and forth it provides a new perspective. Overall, good work!
- 2/24 3:17 pm - STORY: this is a strong personal narrative. The interviews and b-roll really connect on an emotional level. But I think your clarity is kind of problematic. More than half of the video seemed to focus on Luke’s personal story. Then it kind of awkwardly switched to focusing on the HAE Association at 3:22. From that point on, this personal story about Luke became a promo video for the HAE Association, like something you would watch at a fundraiser or banquet for HAE awareness. At 4:22 it becomes manifestly clear that Luke is now making a promo for the HAE Association, because he’s looking directly at the camera to make an appeal to the audience. So in the end, this documentary went from a personal story into a promo for a non-profit organization, which is basically like a long-form PSA. PRODUCTION: The interview footage is well done, the audio is clean and the instrumental music bed works well. But the b-roll is what really makes this story come alive, and what elicits sympathy for Luke’s story.
Judge 1
Positives: Pacing was great. The cutaways were appropriate and the interviews told the story well. I was engaged in the story throughout. Lighting was well done, and the photos worked well.
Improvements: I think showing the video of him talking to his grandma immediately followed by him discussing how much pain he was in was a bit contradictory. Mandy's introduction was somewhat abrupt.
Judge 2
Positives: I liked that you used the old 8mm look and sound effects for the transition. B Roll was timed well during the story and helped tell the story. Great job going from a tragedy to an inspiring story using video! The story has a heart and keeps your interest.
Improvements: More light on the shot of Mom.
Judge 3
Positives: The pace of your film felt great and appropriate for the story. I think you found the correct people (luke, his mom, etc) and you clearly asked them the right questions to tell this powerful story. Really really great use of archival footage and photos. It really elevates your story to show us what this painful time was like back then and taking us back in time. This felt technically proficient and I felt like I was in good hands as a viewer, especially given the sensitive and emotionally charged topic.
Improvements: Luke and his mom are framed very similarly in their interviews and are in the same location. Same location is not a problem, but they are both looking the same direction and have the same background. Maybe next time consider having them face different directions or backgrounds. That said, I think you picked a good location to film them (quiet, home, etc) I think it may have been worth considering hearing from another person in Luke's life. His mom is a great number one choice, but maybe a friend from school who was there along the way as well?
Judge 4
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Judge 5
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