Eggscellent Breakfast - ID# 390

Antioch Community High School
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description

Breakfast disaster.

Copyright Info

Recent Teacher Comments

  • 4/23 10:44 am - With the egg crisis, this is quite topical. I think it may have fit better under the Comedic Narrative Category. I appreciate the use of cutaways and sequences as a means to create mood. The shaky camerawork fits the comedic silly vibe, but I wouldn't recommend it being so shaky at times. Strong performance that really elevates the comedic timing. Impressive use of sound and props. Funny ending, I would have liked to have seen a close up of his reaction after falling, and then see him covered in the mess – would have added to the comedic punchline. Overall, very fun and entertaining! It was difficult judging this in the Dramatic Narrative category that doesn't have space nor an advantage in the rubric for humor.
  • 3/14 10:26 am - This seems like a comedic narrative rather than a dramatic narrative. We see the character getting frustrated and having an internal battle, so the story could have been dramatic, but the bouncy music, editing choices, and handheld camera give it a very comedic tone. The way the situation keeps getting worse for him also feels like comedy. Putting aside the category, this is a well made film. Your framing and shot composition are strong - I especially like the shot at 1:20 when you rack focus between the actor and the egg. The editing feels very deliberate and each cut feels like it's intended to mean something (often to get a laugh from the audience).
Judge 1

Positives: First off, there's a part in here that felt very reminiscent of "how to basic," and this seems like probably one of the more expensive productions on this list considering the cost of eggs rn :) This should be a comedic narrative entry! It definitely has a comedy structure. But overall, I really like how you chose to tell this story without dialogue and keep it visual. I think it works nicely. The music also works strongly as the backbone of the piece, driving a lot of the comedic timing and pacing.

Improvements: The story is difficult to get invested in. We need to explain why he’s unable to correctly break the egg. Even if it’s some supernatural thing like his hand just comes down too hard, we need a quick explainer shot of him questioning his arm to help tie it together that this is also happening to him. Otherwise. it’s just a dude smashing eggs and we don’t feel bad for him, so we can’t laugh along with him. The pacing is distracting for me. I only comment on this because comedy is dependent on the pacing. Being specific with your cuts helps add that punch to the joke. Quickening up a lot of shots in the upfront, then also doing a sort of quick-cut cleaning montage after each mess would help create a rhythm that then adds to punch of the comedy when you break that rhythm at the end.

Judge 2

Positives: I think the framing of the shots was well done. The camera movement was also done well and with purpose.

Improvements: Make sure every shot has a purpose, there were some shots that lingered a little too long at the beginning or end of them with no movement. Use the most of the 5 minutes to add in some dialogue so that the storyline is more clear. Even just having the main character say a couple things to himself would help this.

Judge 3

Positives: You were able to show some of the frustration experienced by the main character without showing his face. An example of this occurs at about 1:40. That works well and in this case, it is more effective than cutting back to his face for a reaction. The growing frustration of the character while attempting to cook eggs was very effective. Then, when he finally he got his act together, or so we thought, he slipped and fell at the end. That added an effective surprise to the ending.

Improvements: Tighten up some of the edits. You are on the shot of the empty frying pan for over 6 seconds where there is nothing happening. Try cutting that time down to 2 or 4 seconds. Near the end, when the character is walking away from the stove with his successfully cooked egg, it's a little unclear by the expression on his face if he feels like he accomplished something or he is still angry/frustrated. So make sure that emotion comes through.

Judge 4

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Judge 5

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