The Path - ID# 492
Batavia
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
Hayden, a teenage girl, learns a thing or two about what it means to be haunted and the journey she must take.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/23 3:04 pm - Outstanding dialogue, script, and performances. The audio was a bit rough around the edges with background noise, clothes rustle, and the need for smoother J & L cuts – however, it is hard to dock you too much for that because dialogue sound is a real challenge, and you certainly made it work. IN some places it was superb – such as how you dampen the dialogue at 1:30 to emphasize that the main character isn't paying attention. The lighting could use some work (maybe try more three-point lighting?), but it was acceptable. The title sequence was well executed and an appropriate length. Excellent use of a close up at 2:28. Some of the color grading and correcting could be more fine-tuned and stylized. Overall, fantastic visual storytelling! If you strengthen your audio, exposure, and color grading skills – the sky is the limit.
- 3/15 10:43 am - Good story. You did a nice job making us feel for these characters and their loss. It has a universal theme that a lot of people can relate to. The videos at the end are a great touch and make it feel grounded in reality. Some of your recorded sound has a lot of background noise - getting room tone and making those transitions smoother would help with this. Fitting music choice - I like that it starts and ends the film.
Judge 1
Positives: Wow, i’m here for all the lil brother older sister scenes. They killed it. Music was great. Audio had a few issues with cutting when the clip cut, it should be seamless across clips, but other than that, not many issues.
Improvements: The story is pretty solid, it’s just told very directly, from story beat to story beat only by means of dialogue. It doesn’t feel earned because of that segmented pacing. It feels more like a "Dhar mann" video than a narrative short film. It would be great to figure out how to convey the beats that the characters speak to each other in a different way, maybe through non-verbal moments and actions that show they are still learning what they need to. The ending clips montage worked for the first clip, but the others are hard to tell whats going on and where the person of focus is, so if there were more clips like the first, it would really hit home. Because I really do like the convention and how its used here, it should be super powerful and impactful, but the lack of clarity pulled me out of the feels.
Judge 2
Positives: I thought the framing of the shots was well done, it seemed like they all had a purpose which is important. The dialogue was well written which made the acting work out well.
Improvements: The storyline was a little hard to follow at times. The lightning of the nighttime shots was a little dark and it was hard to tell some of the actions going on.
Judge 3
Positives: Very powerful and moving story. At the start of the movie, the audience wonders why Hayden is so emotional when asked to be in a study group. This is a great way to start your project, because it brings up the question about why is she so emotional about that. Then the encounter with Corey adds to that question. The ending is emotional and thought-provoking. It made me empathize with Hayden and her brother. The ending was very gentle and offered hope. This was a very well-crafted and courageous project. I commend you on your successful efforts.
Improvements: There isn't much I would change in your production. But one thing to explore deals with the lighting in some of the night shots. Compare the look of Corey at 1:49 to the once of Hayden at 1:52. The low-key lighting in the shot of Hayden adds a little detail and still feels like it's taking place in a dark bedroom.
Judge 4
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Judge 5
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