The Transit Man - ID# 50

Maine South
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description

A man caught on the metaphorical train ride that is his day-to-day life at his office job, yearns to pursue his former dream of playing the piano professionally.

Copyright Info

Recent Teacher Comments

  • 4/15 12:06 pm - Poetic and compelling! Being that there is no dialogue and little-to-no other sound design besides the music, this would have likely fit stronger under the music video category. If you are making this as a "dramatic narrative," then I think having natural sound and sound effects of your world would bring it to the next level. The match actions and cuts were dynamic, fluid, and delightful. There were some jump cuts that did not work quite as well, but overall the editing does a good job following the music and conveying the story. Excellent work with the locations and set design – makes this feel very professional. Overall, outstanding job – beautiful story matched by artistic and thoughtful video work.
  • 3/13 2:40 pm - This film does a great job of telling the story without using dialogue. The piano score underscores this character's true passions. That being said, I don't think the music track was used to its full potential. There was room for more growth in the song. It started out really strong, but as the drama of the story intensified, I would have liked to hear the piano really illustrate that. The build up towards the climax seems to be mostly indicated by quick cuts and handheld camera - both great techniques, but I think your story could be even stronger if we had some sort of musical change. Really strong editing skills in this piece. The faster pacing of cuts as we head towards the climax. The match cuts between the computer keyboard and the piano. Great job!
  • 2/27 8:36 am - The shot of the passing train that looks like a computer keyboard - wow! Very touching story and well executed. What I am missing is the turning point - at which point does the character decide he's had enough and does he have a choice? The moment he pulls out the leaflet from the garbage can could do it - I would move it before the "transformation" sequence. Beautiful composition and color shading.
Judge 1

Positives: Very beautiful video. There is so much going on here in just over 3 minutes. We establish a world with a character who feels relatable, we see their inner dilemma, then we see how they choose to respond to it and can connect with that sense of inner child. The symbolism with the tie tying the man’s hands and legs to the train was very powerful, especially as a moment of hyper-realism during a breaking point montage. It helps reinforce the feeling of the character through visual tells. Excellent work. The camera work was wonderful, especially that full 360 spin around the piano with transition from young to old. There’s also a great use of colorful scenes versus drab office scenes, even the open mic graphic highlighting that bit of color in the dull gray space. The music also works for me here. It’s not always perfect, but it highlights the moments with tonal accuracy when needed.

Improvements: There really isn't too much to improve here without getting way too nit-picky and into the weeds, and i feel like what the team was able to accomplish is exemplary and a great gold standard for student work. Great great job. Story and how you make me feel when I watch the film is all that really matters, and this nailed both.

Judge 2

Positives: I really like the framing of each shot, I think every shot had a purpose and looked really well done and thought out. Some shots were really unique with the cuts and transitions in between. The lighting also worked really well with the story as it wasn't too saturated.

Improvements: The shots at about 2:45 I think could have been cut together better in the editing process. I would have really liked to see some camera movements flow between them like the one did when it was circling around him and the piano. I think you could make the storyline just the slightest bit more clear with the connection of the 2 characters whether it be him and his younger self or however they connect.

Judge 3

Positives: This has nothing to do with your project itself. Consider rewriting your statement. I don't read any of the artist's materials until after I watch their project. The point of your movie came across strong. When it was over, I appreciated the main character coming to grips with his passions and life-long dream. Your movie was much more impactful than your statement. It's important to allow your audience to make that discovery on their own. Think about a way to write a brief statement that doesn't tell people what they are watching. Your visual storytelling does that on its own.

Improvements: What are some ways you can deal with lighting and color? Where do you go while thinking about a dream career? Try to work that into your lighting and color scheme. For example, during the dream shots, the colors could be rich and peaceful. Maybe on the train the colors could be more neutral. And the colors in the office (or on the computer) could be contrasty and muted. I'm not sure what software you are using to edit your project. But you should be able to accomplish a lot of that in post-production.

Judge 4

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Judge 5

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