My Father's Journal - ID# 524
Metea Valley
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
A girl trying to get over the loss of her father.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/24 8:46 pm - Compelling and heartfelt story with a solid beginning, middle, and end that is well paced. The biggest struggles in this were tied to the focus and audio issues. For instance, there is sound fuzz at :28 – I can appreciate you working to get sound for these scenes, but sound with that much noise should either be dramatically lowered or cut. Be sure to use J and L cuts to smoothen audio transitions. Some really great and well-thought out shots, such as the above angle at 1:20. However, be aware of having a consistent white balance and color grade. For example, 2:03 and onward is much more orange than earlier moments in that room. If this warmth was intentional, I would recommend making it more subtle or justifying it with a new light or the opening of the window. Overall, strong and moving story! The big things to work on are audio editing and manual camera settings.
- 4/23 12:01 pm - The idea is solid, but I wish you had spent a little more time thinking through the specifics of telling it. For example, the initial shot of the accident. What is the connection between the past and the future? You clearly are an idea person and this one is solid. You could partner up with a great DP who could help you get your idea to a new level.
- 3/15 11:09 am - I like how you have the V.O. to draw parallels between this girl missing her father, and her father missing his grandmother. Although I would like to see the camera on her face while she's reading this, instead of seeing the journal. It would be great to see her reaction to reading it. The film needs some more music. The right music choice could really help us understand this character better. It can tell us what she's feeling throughout the story. I don't think we need to see/hear the car crash at the beginning. It's not really adding much - your story is about this girl and her grief, not her father.
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