The Heights of School - ID# 560
Bremen
Seven Day Challenge
Entry Description
When a new kid arrives at a new school he must face the school bully
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
Judge 1
Positives: Doing a short with a big cast like this is hard and you do a great job differentiating between each character with clear individual personalities. I also love your use of a practical stunt with the King lifting our hero up by the collar. I also love your use of the low angle during the inspirational speech at the end.
Improvements: You have an opportunity in the story to have our bully have a change of heart after the speech. Your ending is abrupt so that would be a nice adjustment to bring the short to a clean end. I'd think about adding music under the final speech. Technically this is a strong piece, and your location sound is captured well especially with multiple characters. Watch talking over lines in the beginning.
Judge 2
Positives: Story: A group of underestimated victims of the popular kid’s ego reveal a secret that unravels the social hierarchy that has kept them oppressed. Overall, the story is incredibly charming. I really felt the characterizations strongly in this piece, and I enjoyed the storytelling format with the talking heads and on-the-ground camera crew. Some really funny character choices in this as well. Only a few camera and audio blips that are noticeable.
Improvements: My main writing note is that the conflict of bullying is resolved via bullying, which isn’t super satisfying or effective long-term. Adding a spy-theme element, like sneaking the book out via “the plan” would’ve helped us stay on the side of these characters. Or if you want to keep the violence, have the bully’s right hand man have a personal vendetta against the bully that’s physical, like maybe the bully hurt him before and threatens to hurt him again if he isn’t loyal, and then at the climax, when he turns on the bully physically, it’d feel earned (bonus points if the student team is initially against this option). I would have also enjoyed a justification for the documentary style. Like maybe a filmmaker-student gets involved to help cover the story because he’s been beaten down by the bully too? The first talking-head feels jarring because this premise isn’t introduced.
Judge 3
Positives: The story came across very clearly and connects well to current societal issues, which gives it added relevance. The introduction of Eli was particularly effective. I immediately understood he was the class bully. Holding off on his backstory until the end was a very good choice and worked very well dramatically.
Improvements: The ending could use a little more development. You might consider having Eli reflect more on who he was in the yearbook photo as part of the conclusion. That could strengthen the emotional impact and bring his character full circle. On a small note, this is a bit nitpicky, but when Eli first enters the school around :23, there are some light flashes. If a reshoot isn’t possible, see if you can smooth or minimize those in post to maintain visual consistency.
Judge 4
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Judge 5
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