Am I Right? - ID# 91
Deerfield
Comedic Narrative
Entry Description
A young comedian struggles to find an audience, but finds greater meaning in the absurd.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/23 10:32 am - Great characterization and set up in the first act. I know exactly what this character wants. Love the reveal that he is alone at :42. The themes and ideas work well and you do a great job of showing us as opposed to telling us. Your editing is well-paced and your soundtrack suits the narrative. Since you have a little time to work with, I wonder if it would be beneficial to develop your second act a little more. Maybe we can see some more of his struggles. Slightly more build up to the banana peel slip might help punctuate that moment a little more. Great job!
- 4/22 1:39 pm - I really enjoyed the structure and style of this video. You included some fantastic shots, from wide to tight, that helped set the scene and location as well as reaction shots that paired really well with the story. To improve, I think the story needs to be cleaned up a bit to really make sure we know what’s not working with the protagonist and put us in his corner. Your lighting also would help with some of the grain we see (unless that was intentional) Keep up the great work!
Judge 1
Positives: Comedy is hard! Particularly stand-up, and this film really captures that struggling budding comic trope. I am a big fan of the anti-comedy! You manage something difficult which is being funny when you are intentionally saying unfunny things. Tim Heidecker excels at this. Give his special a watch if you haven't already! I think the film does a great job of conveying the subjectivity of humor, while also acknowledging the fundamentals - things that can be universally or objectively perceived as funny. There were some really fun edits and musical choices that gave the film more texture and vibrancy. Really solid work overall!
Improvements: While I certainly understand the intention behind it, I think the ending could've used one more gag or extension of the story to really bring it home. Perhaps someone was filming this fall and puts it on social media? Or maybe he takes the banana peel concept to the stage and becomes a physical comedy comedian, performing stunt falls after a joke bombs? Obviously, just spit-balling here. I could be entirely wrong too, as we know, comedy is mostly subjective! Overall, fantastic work and I'd encourage you to keep making films, specifically comedy films!
Judge 2
Positives: This short was GREAT!!!! You had character development, great use of props and settings, the quick cutaways always advanced the viewers knowledge of what was going on and the ending left the viewer to decide for themselves what the whole thing was actually about. There is a lot going on here and you were able to stuff it into a package under 4 minutes. This short was funny because it wasn't funny... not an easy thing to pull off!!
Improvements: The clown nose thing seemed a little out of place. That's maybe the one thing I would have cut out completely as it sort of distracted from the story arc as a whole. And the scene with friends in the living room could have been cut a little tighter. At 2:05 the rack focus in the coffee shop was a little too quick... But that's minor. Overall, this project was great. Keep it up!!
Judge 3
Positives: i'm not sure if this was intentional, but i think the shaky handheld camerawork and framing did a great job of making the bathroom dialogue feel silly and intimate. i loved the ending! it really did capture that feeling so well of when you're so hyper focused on achieving something, that you forget that life is meant to be light hearted (especially as a comedian)
Improvements: the production design leaves a lot to be desired, a lot of the cluttered spaces like in the coffee shop were pretty distracting.
Judge 4
Positives: Really enjoy the pull back to reveal it's just in his house! Your running scene was great! We have a strong sense of him moving through space from entering left of frame and then leaving right of frame. The inter-cutting credits was lovely, it kept me engaged with the names and story visually
Improvements: Sounds super important! He's holding a microphone but we are recording from a farther away source. Some of the mixing is a tad to hot, I want to hear the dialog more than the music. You have some great coverage of scenes, be mindful of keeping camera settings consistent through shots mostly in ISO and color temp. If you're in a location that needs lighting for exposure and crank the ISO, consider a different location!
Judge 5
Positives:
Improvements: