Bread

Glenbrook North

Comedic Narrative

Entry Description

A boy gets more than he bargained for when he orders a new pillow.

Judge 1

Positives: Regarding story, you do a good job of introducing and establishing the characters right off the bat. You do much of this visually, which is great. I think your story, pace, and visual storytelling are at their strongest in your quick cutting sequences- when he orders, receives, and opens the pillow for example. Your sound I found very solid overall- good levels, effective sound effects, and appropriate music choices. All good stuff. I find the pace and technical proficiency of your editing very effective. Nice work.

Improvements: I'm not sure the exact details of your story are as compelling as they could be. Having the friend send him immediately to mychillypillow.com is a little on the nose, and the bizarre connection to Brownberry Bread is never developed or explained. It's such a weird reach that it just feels like an arbitrary and convenient way to wrap up the story. Solid camera work overall. Some of your handheld shots have composition and focus issues here and there, but that's the nature of handheld. Low light shooting is tricky, and some shots are a bit murky. But like I say, a solid piece of filmmaking.

Judge 2

Positives: Hilarious dry comedy! This is a funny intersection of a clever story blended skilled editing (i.e. cutting the music to wait for the rotary phone).

Improvements: My primary constructive criticism revolves around your lighting and coloring. I know some of your dark scenes are intentionally dark, but overall lighting is your main element to improve. Improved coloring would also help your footage pop. I understand budgetary constraints and perhaps you didn't have it this time, but I encourage you to really think about lighting and post-production coloring. Also, the sound needs balancing and the dialogue is too quiet without headphones.

Judge 3

Positives:

Improvements:

Judge 4

Positives:

Improvements: