Melinda the Great

Glenbrook North

Comedic Narrative

Entry Description

This is the story of a girl in detention who is imagining how her attempt to change her grades could have been a success, instead of resulting in her ending up in detention. The whole retelling of the story is her writing an "apology" letter, which ends up not even being an apology at all!

Judge 1

Positives: Plenty to be proud of here. The story itself, I think, is good in scope. (There's enough to be interesting without trying to cram in too much.) But to be honest, I find it so self-aware that it's easy to get distracted. I like the way you have fun with the storytelling, back up and revise, and narrate us through the thought process. All fun, and good for you for experimenting with out-of-the-box narrative techniques. I also think your music selection was quite inspired. Very effective.

Improvements: I like rack focus as much as anyone, but your technique of setting a narrow depth of field and having your main character walk into focus, got a bit distracting for me. We end up looking at too much out of focus screen waiting for her to land on her mark. I just think you could do better. Not sure what your microphone options are, but some of you audio was pretty thin and echo-y. A lavaliere or boom would probably help. I liked your film. Lots of good work to build on here. Congrats.

Judge 2

Positives: * Good editing. * Enjoyable intentional over acting. * Interesting camera angles and zooms.

Improvements: * Sound balance issues. * Remove excess sound hiss.

Judge 3

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Judge 4

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