This is a news package for our school show. Often times in the morning students are welcomed to school by amazing smells. Across the street from our high school there is an industrial bakery that supplies bread to hundreds of local restaurants. We brought our cameras into their factory to learn more about them.
Positives: - Good writing! - Nice pictures
Improvements: - This was a perfect opportunity to use natural sound, but the story is missing that entirely. Including sounds of the machines would greatly improve this story. - Hide mic chords under clothing
Positives: Love the beginning! Engaging story telling! Great job with matching the visuals with the story. I love that you took something that people wonder everyday (where those smells are coming from) and told the story. great idea Nice job with the writing of your script. I love your conversational voice!
Improvements: I would have loved to see you engaging with people at the bakery and doing your vo as a standup while you were experiencing the bakery since your vo drove the story it's a little thing but make sure to hide your mic a little better-- put the cord on the inside! would have loved a little sign off at the end-or a decisive visual ending but really enjoyed your script!
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