High School Story

Maine West

Comedic Narrative

Entry Description

This series follows 5 teenagers through high school. Originally conceived by the principal to reveal insights into the modern student, the project quickly derails as relationships develop revealing the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Judge 1

Positives: Good job mimicking the format of a reality TV show.

Improvements: Acting. General flow between scenes.

Judge 2

Positives: I liked that all the characters are different. This may seem obvious when talking about an ensemble piece, but even working writers make the mistake of making two or more characters too similar to each other. The introduction was nice. The upbeat music and graphics set the tone for the short sitcom.

Improvements: The piece was lacking a theme and a major conflict. Which are the cornerstones of any good story. Without it, there isn't anything for the audience to care about. Right now, I don't have anyone in the group to cheer for. This feels like an MTV reality show, but watch those more critically and you'll find even those programs have a theme or story within the episode. It's fine that you introduce us to these students but next time show me some goals, what they want, why their friends. Something to make the audience care about them. I don't like that the interviews spoon fed me each character's personality. If you watch other Docu-style sitcoms like Modern Family, you may notice they use the interviews as a way to set up punchlines or a way to let the viewer in on the jokes. You sort of did this with the athlete who has a crush on the good girl, but I would of liked to see more. Overall I got where you were going with this, but I challenge you to put together something that drives us to a point to your story. This may be something that was funny to your friends or people who know the characters, but to an outsider I struggle to want to catch the next episode. I know you can do better!

Judge 3

Positives:

Improvements:

Judge 4

Positives:

Improvements: