While It Lasts - ID# 196
Tinley Park
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
In the future life is more precious when scientists discover a way to predict exactly when you die.
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/5 5:43 pm - I liked the premise of your story, however if I understand it correctly you are not following the rules you set with the initial story, and that is she would live a long life, so what happened? Why did she die so early? The story was also hard to follow, the class and I didn’t quite understand the relevance of the 18th birthday party except obviously she turned 18, but we kept thinking something more would happen and didn’t know how to interpret or anticipate what might happen next (I guess I would say it slowed the pace down a little bit). I liked your opening tracking shot at the beginning very nicely done. You did a fairly good job mixing up your camera shots however their were a handful especially in Chicago where I felt we were always behind your subjects as opposed to with them. Watch your continuity as you splice scenes together you had a few jumps especially after the party was over. I know there is only so much you can do but for taking place in the future it all still looked very 2016ish. As for sound the dialogue and voice overs didn’t seem matched in some spots, and bridge the audio as you move from scene to scene to make it more seemless. You did a good job with the car crash scene but we all saw it coming. And the seriousness of your message was lost in the tone of the speaker, she sounded to lighthearted. Overall great job, great pace, don’t let my comments discourage you there is some great stuff in here.
- 3/1 12:37 pm - Lots of good work here- especially some of your camera work and movement. Your opening tracking shot through the house is great, and it’s great to have an impressive shot like that to grab our attention right out of the gate. (For what it’s worth, you get a very nice performance out of your main actress.) While we’re on technical proficiency: your audio is very good- good levels, smooth transitions- it all works for me. Your lighting and focus were a little more spotty. Most of your interior shots in the house were muted, yellow, and a bit grainy. I thought your handheld OTC shots following the girls through the city were pretty solid- maybe a tad shaky and in and out of focus, but it’s probably better work than I could do. From a story perspective, you start off very well, but I don’t think it ends up working as a whole. It’s a pretty ambitious premise that you don’t really develop and then have to tie up in the final 30 seconds. To me the music montage in the city felt randomly dropped in and doesn’t really fit with the tone of the rest of the film. Still, you show real skill and potential here. Keep at it.
- 2/23 11:28 am - STORY: I like the concept; you play with the idea of the character taking for granted her longevity, having a great day with her friend, but then dying before her time. Her final voice over as she lay dying seemed a bit too happy. SOUND: Your sound was pretty even for the most part; some of your music seemed hot at points. Watch your VU meter and make sure your dialogue is always above sound effects and music beds. CAMERA: Your opening sequence of tracking shots in the house was excellent. Not sure if you used a stabilizer of some kind, but your movement was very smooth and the shots were engaging. The handheld stuff in the city was a bit too shaky. The other shots overall were well composed, but you need to watch your focus. If you're using a DSLR and your subject isn't moving, it's okay to have a shallow depth of focus. But, if your subject moves, you need to be faster on the draw with your focus. A ton of your shots fell in and out of focus. IMPORTANT NOTE: there was debris on your lens - in the upper left corner of most of your shot is a distracting black mark, probably dust or a spot. Always check your lenses before you shoot. If I noticed it, others would too, and in the professional world you would have to re-shoot all of that or digitally paint it out. LIGHTING: When you used natural daylight, your shots were crisp and in focus. Everything else is soft and has a lot of noise. You really need to look at every shot and figure out how to add more lighting. This is the biggest difference between beginning level and more advanced filmmaking. EDITING: You had some choppy edits; when the friends left and it was just the one girl friend, or the transition to their adventures in the city. Part of this is just planning WHAT to shoot and how to edit it together smoothly. The dialogue scene in the car at the end of the day could have been smoothed out by doing some audio bridges.
Judge 1
Positives: Nice use of sound and music to support mood; overall solid camera work with nice montages
Improvements: Sound and music transitions a little abrupt (work on fading out) Lighting during night scenes made things a little too dark
Judge 2
Positives: I like your camera movement- cool, well-thought out tracking shot to open. Really great. Cool story idea overall. Lots of good work here.
Improvements: Lighting and focus were a little uneven. (Great ideas. Still getting there on execution.)
Judge 3
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Judge 4
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