Transit - ID# 202
Waubonsie Valley
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
A man has an honest conversation with his subconscious.
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/27 9:59 pm - The work you did inside the train is outstanding. You managed to maintain control over many variables in a location presenting many challenges. Throughout your piece, you also demonstrate a clear understanding of continuity editing, and your sound design is creative and polished. The production values displayed in your work truly are impressive! You clearly care about your craft. I appreciate what you were trying to say in the narrative, but I am wondering if your story would have been more effective if your actors were older or if the script had been adapted to correspond to the age of your actors.
- 4/11 8:44 am - Positives: 1. This video was shot and edited beautifully well. The camera work, lighting, and framing showed true technical skill. Additionally, the audio was easy to understand. The train scenes were done especially well in terms of lighting and image quality. The video was very visually appealing as a whole which allowed me to focus on the story as opposed to noticing technical flaws within the piece. 2. The dialogue was very well written and acted. The main actor was especially good at his role and really portrayed the character well. The interaction between the main character and each side character helps to motivate the plot and keep the audience intrigued. 3. The music really fit the video well. The choice and style of the music fit the style of the video and really emphasized the important parts throughout. I really think the music choice was a wise decision for this video. Suggestions: 1. While the present-time shots were very well done, the filters on the past shots sometimes made it difficult to truly focus on the subject of the shot. Overall, these filters were too overpowering and took away from the beauty of the shots themselves. I think with a lighter filter, it could have helped clean up some of the flashback shots. 2. The storyline was very interesting, but it verged on being a little too confusing. It is unclear that the main character is talking to himself, especially when he is talking to the girl on the train, so it would help to have the story more focused on the main character's struggles. Maybe adding a line of dialogue or two could aid in this. 3. The actors in the video were very talented, but it was difficult to believe that the main character was old enough to be getting engaged or married. The video could have benefited by having actors of various ages used throughout the short film.
- 3/7 9:03 am - Nice window reflection, and use of set on a real train.
- 3/4 1:06 pm - Beautifully shot and colored. Acting is a bit stilted, but that's partly because of the dialogue. Really cool effect when he is walking down aisle of train and then outside. Good, subtle music.
Judge 1
Positives: Great job shooting this!! Shooting on a train with all of the noises and the bumps of the rails, and not one distraction is noticeable. The variation in shots is well executed and helps move the story along nicely. You do a very nice job of drawing the viewer into the story, and keeping them attached to the characters.
Improvements: There are some questions with the opening monologue, why is there a lot on his mind (etc). I like the concept, but it leaves a few too many questions for the viewer. Also, not sure if the whole thing is a flashback, but the two people are still on the train when he leaves it. If they are supposed to be try to make it clearer that they are, despite them saying they are getting off the train.
Judge 2
Positives: Excellent shot composition, drawing attention to the right places on screen while creating a visually interesting environment; nice mastery of sound
Improvements: Ending is a little abrupt; could do more to clarify the subconscious discussion element Would be good to incorporate a bit more movement/scene change to help narrative clarity
Judge 3
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Judge 4
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