Mane In Heaven - ID# 257
Huntley
Commercial
Entry Description
Isabella Cangiolosi gives us a closer look at Mane In Heaven, a local non-profit.
Recent Teacher Comments
- 4/27 6:52 am - Flash frame around :43. If this were my commercial, I would change the first shot - show folks interacting with the horses right away - then go to the tight shots. The end graphic was not up long enough for the reader to fully read all of the information on the screen. I was left with a little feeling of wanting to know more - and maybe that would have been answered by a simple VO at the end stating “for more information, please contact…” or something like that.
- 3/6 7:19 pm - The problem is that I do not get roped into the commercial with some natural sound or action shots, and because of this it makes it hard to get caught up with what is going on. You have some effective b-roll, but it would be nice if you added some natural sound of some of the people there laughing or some of the animals making noise. the worry I have about this is that is seems more like a PSA than a commercial, an this is because it does not feel like you are tying to get me to support this organization. Instead it feels like you are trying to teach me about them. In a commercial you want to motivate me more to support them. I would suggest doing this by making the shots even faster, and cutting down the narration by a little bit. There is one point where she seems to repeat herself, that can be removed in the future.
- 3/5 5:50 am - The video has a quick start and because of that I feel like I am trying to get caught up to understand what is going on while it still continues to move forward. What I think an audience needs is a few establishing shots of the mini horses, so I have a better understanding of what it is about. I see a close up of a head (but don’t get a sense that it is a minature) then I see the booties on the feet (again never seeing it all together), then the narrator is talking (she starts quick before I get a feel of what is going on) It wasn’t till I see the two horses feeding in the hay trough that I am able to start putting it all together. The interview should have taken place in a more authentic setting, and while there were attempts to match the b-roll to the emotion being talked about, she kept talking about the smiles people get and an emotional experience, but the visuals didn’t always support. Let that “picture of a 1000 words” tell the story that is being talked about in the interview. Ask yourself what makes this story unique, what visuals can you offer that will leave a lasting impression – a horse walking through the door of a school would be one of those iconic shots. There were also times were I felt the interview/narrator was a little redundant, I would have loved to hear from some of the kids that benefit from a visit from this organization. For example the narrator spent so much time explaining the emotion others feels, save time and let me see it for myself. ( I didn’t mean for that to sound harsh if it did). Some of the b-roll seemed to be shot from behind (behind the people, behind the horse, etc) Liked at the end you told what I could do to do more if interested, I know you are fitting it in 60 seconds, but I felt like that final graphic should have been on longer, give me some more time to ponder the thought I I should donate, and how before I move on to quick. The quick graphic made it easy to dismiss. This is a commercial, not just a PSA so let your audience know more about the product at the end.
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