Lost and Found - ID# 28
Batavia
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
A story of twins who were separated at birth and their journey to finding each other.
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/1 4:15 pm - Lots of good stuff here. Ambitious story idea that is quickly and clearly established at the top. Use of VO/Narrator feels right and fits well with your choice of music. My biggest critique regards your story- it ends up being virtually all set up, no development, and a final few seconds of a cliff hanger ending. Basically, I think you just bit off way too much to cram into a 5-minute short. Your cinematic skills are pretty solid. Good lighting, mostly competent composition, audio levels sound good. I’m not a huge fan of your handheld tracking shots. They’re pretty shaky and not easy to watch. I’d consider using some kind of stabilizer or just putting the camera on sticks and let your actors exit frame. Editing is quite solid- good pace, I didn’t notice any jumps, good use of split screen and wipes. Solid work. Again, I’d encourage you to focus on a strong (and manageable) story that’s worthy of your filmmaking skills. Keep at it.
- 2/23 12:58 pm - STORY: Fascinating concept for the story, and VERY impressive casting for all stages of their lives. The end was frankly a little disappointing; the audience was expecting a much bigger emotional payoff for something entered into the Drama category. Even a few more shots - close ups of their faces as they realize who they've bumped into - would have helped. SOUND: The mix was good - voice over was appropriately balanced above the music bed. Good job here. CAMERA: The handheld camera work in Jordan's beginning scene is very shaky and your horizon line is wobbly. Consider using a stabilizer or just setting up shots and letting the subject walk through if you cannot run handheld with smooth motion. By contrast, Jane's first couple of shots in her opening sequence were on-point; nice framing, clean shots. Then, you went back to handheld and it was shaky again. Plus, your headroom was on and off - a couple times you cut off her head. LIGHTING: The outdoor daylight shots were nicely done. The indoor scenes (revealing that each girl has a twin) were dark. It looks like you just used natural light for the mom and daughter scene, but this was clearly not enough. Even the scene with dad and daughter wasn't lit evenly enough. EDITING: Most of the edits were good. Your pace was fine cutting back and forth between the lives of each twin. You needed to cut out from the revelation sequence a bit earlier (before the mom laughed at the end of the scene).
Judge 1
Positives: Not sure if this is drama per se but there is a nice sense of whimsy (supported by editing choices, voice over, and music) Nice use of thematic visual pairing to emphasize the twin aspect
Improvements: Some editing transitions are abrupt and some shots/scenes linger a bit too long Narrative is a little unrealistic in places, particularly in the “past” section (which could work better condensed down even further)
Judge 2
Positives: Solid cinematic skills. Lighting is generally good. I like the VO. Pace of your editing is good.
Improvements: Handheld tracking shots are fairly shaky. Story is a cool idea but not perfectly executed here. Limited payoff for all of the set up.
Judge 3
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Judge 4
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