Goodbye to a World - ID# 461

Geneva

Music Video

Entry Description

One lonely kid tries to find a easy way to say goodbye to a world, but his little friend saves the day and possibly his life.

Recent Teacher Comments

• 3/5 7:54 pm - This story moved along well. There was a definite change in the character that was interesting to watch. You did a great job of syncing up parts of the song with different plot points in your story. I love the illusion of the toy singing, very cool. The only improvement that I would suggest is give the viewer a little more variety of subject matter in shots used to develop the character at the beginning of the video.

Judge 1

Positives: Camera. Nice use of the frame and movement. Shots were well composed and purposeful. Camera moves were executed smoothly. Focus was generally sharp and exposures were balanced. Linear story. It's difficult to tell a simple linear story. One of the strongest points of this story was it's ability to move in a linear fashion. There were some cuts that jumped us forward in time, but it was never unclear at any point where in time we, as the viewer, were in the story. Mastering this seemingly mundane feat is the basis for succeeding telling far more complex stories down the road.

Improvements: Editing. There are instances in this piece where cuts jump the story forward in time and things flow nicely and then there is one sequence when we see the protagonist walk out of the house from inside, then walk out the same door from outside, walk down the side walk, walk in one door of the school from outside, then we see him walk in the same door from inside... A lot of this could be cut down and save time and move the story forward. In a short video a lot of time was wasted on moving the character from one point to another and none of the time in transit served to deliver plot points or character development. Trimming unneeded time like this will do wonders to help move the story forward and keep the audience engaged. Character development. The piece opens with the protagonist writing presumably his suicide note. It is never quite clear why he is suicidal in the first place. It is also unclear why the sudden appearance of a small robot changes his life. Some additional character development in the form of flashbacks showing the protagonist struggling to make friends, or get bullied at school, something, would have gone a long way toward enriching the story and fleshing out some of the hazy details that work against the overall effectiveness of the piece.

Judge 2

Positives: Story was clear and well done. Worked with the music score.

Improvements: At the end it was hard to seem clearly where we were going. Ending style didn't match you story telling.

Judge 3

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Judge 4

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