Canon Camera Focus on the Good Things - ID# 486

Franklin High School

Commercial

Entry Description

When life is getting to be too much, a man choses a desperate act.

Recent Teacher Comments

• 4/27 6:55 am - Concept was good and message (tag line) was good. When looking at the back of the camera, actually have pictures on the screen that were taken so you don’t have to use a freeze frame and a superimposed picture. What can you do to make your actor appear to be more stressed out about life?
• 3/6 8:15 pm - Great commercial the only big issue I have with it is the graphic behind the pictures. It seems a little strange given the concept. With the audio I would try to link them even more. The gap left between them is a little strange to have it there. I like the other effects because I think that they add to the whole commercial. Great job with the picture overlay as well. Overall very good job.
• 3/5 10:22 am - I like the idea you were trying to create I thought it was a creative twist. There are some little things that I think you could have done to make your good video great. Put your camera on a tripod so as you cut to all the stressful things of work your day the frame matches up. It is a good technique to compress time and show that the day was wearing on, but the mismatch was distracting. Put a little of that stress in your soundtrack, phones ringing, typewriters, office sounds etc. It seemed the things that stressed him out at the beginning (kids crying, the kids, etc) were also the things that brought him joy at the end. Also I wasn’t convinced that he was stressed, I saw the attempt but I didn’t necessarily FEEL the stress, close ups, dutch angles might have helped with this.

Judge 1

Positives: There is some nice potential in this idea - using creativity as an escape from day-to-day anxieties. We see a lot of evidence of this in current culture, the recent popularity of adult coloring books is an example. It has some good insight into people's behaviors related to creative escapes. The first music track does a nice job of setting the tone of the narrative, and the various audio elements are well mixed.

Improvements: NARRATIVE - I think you could do this idea with a bit more focus on the positive outcome, and a little less on the negative set up. The negative shouldn't be too severe. It could have been nice to change the environment, and show the hero out taking photos and interacting with family vs. alone at a desk. SOUND - the transition from the first track to the second is a bit abrupt. Try allowing them to crossfade a bit more.

Judge 2

Positives: Nice tag line at the end, with good VO and closing music. Story is good and i was able to discern the point of the commercial by the time I hit the tagline at the end. I like the heartbeats at the beginning...keep them going up until the camera hits the table. Baby crying, let it bleed over into the next scene... You did a good job to simulate the camera screen, however it's obvious you're working off of a still image. A live shot would've carried the scene a bit more strongly, even if you place the images in post.

Improvements: Music cutting out at :15 is a huge loss in the momentum you've built to that point...keep that music going or at least bring in your next track so that you don't lose what you've gained so far. Make the beginning sequence a bit more dramatic by varying your focal point, your focal distance... shots of the papers on the desk, tight face shots showing emotion, hand through hair, taking off glasses, a "to-do" list on the desk...etc. Desk a little more chaotic? Keep the feel going... Some continuity issues with where things are placed on the desk once you go for the camera and place it on the desk.

Judge 3

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Judge 4

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