One Last Run - ID# 508
West Chicago
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
They say trail running is good for your health. But that all depends on who else might be sharing the trail with you. Jasmine goes for an unforgettable run in this Hitchcock-styled original student drama.
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/1 3:07 pm - I think non-dialogue narrative is a great way to learn the skill of visual storytelling. Having said that, I think you’re on the right track, but still have some work to do. Your story is incredibly simple- girl goes running and gets killed by someone in a creepy clown mask with a baseball bat. But in terms of building suspense, you don’t really do that. We get lots of shots of her getting ready to go running (with weird audio) that don’t completely fit with the tone or advance the rest of the story. I also question your decision to fully reveal the clown almost immediately in the park or whatever. It takes away the suspense and eventually, I just feel like I’m looking at another shot of a girl in a clown mask. I’d hold the full reveal until as late as possible, and even then, I’d give us quick glimpses. Just an opinion. I thought your music was well chosen and appropriately creepy. But overall I think you depended on it and the mask to scare us, which isn’t quite enough. You have some good camera angles, but keep working on this. The first half of your film feels like a documentary almost, and your second half needs to be tightened up from an editing perspective. I’d tighten up the pace with quicker cuts and more specific use of sound effects to enhance the scary music. Good start here to build on for your next project. Keep at it.
- 2/25 10:29 am - STORY: The story wasn't that clear. Who was the clown? Why was the clown after her? If you had established that other people had been killed recently (maybe a news report on the TV in the background while she's getting dressed...) that would have made a huge difference. Instead, she's just randomly attacked by a clown and she dies. Not much drama for something in the dramatic category. Side note: if the clown bashed her in the head, where is the blood on her face? Where is the blood on the bat? Continuity is huge... SOUND: Limited sound - almost your first whole minute was just ambient sound of her getting ready for her run. Your creepy music was cool, but without any other dialogue (she didn't even scream or struggle verbally when she was being choked out...), your soundtrack was pretty bare. Plus, where was the sound effect when the bat her the girl at the end? That would have made the feeble swing a bit more believable. CAMERA: Almost every shot in the first minute of your piece is out of focus. A shallow depth of focus is great in filmmaking, but not if your subject is out of focus and the background is in focus. Not sure what camera you are using, or if you are using autofocus, but that's a huge problem. Some of the shots once she gets outside for her run are better, but then you drift in and out of focus again. Also, your handheld camera work is shaky. This is not okay for the establishing shots, because there's no reason in the story for shaky camera work. Later on, when the clown begins chasing her, then some shaky handheld lends itself to the rising tension of your story, making it more frantic. Last but not least, the murder was a let down; you only took 2 shots to show it. Not much of a struggle. You could have added about 6-8 more shots, cutting back and forth to make the struggle more dramatic and the action more believable. Instead, it looks like the clown just puts her down and she complies. The last close up of the dead girl's face was out of focus (the ground behind her was in focus). That's not a great way to end the character's life. LIGHTING: No apparent use of addition lighting, which means no control over lighting. The inside shots were poorly lit, which also makes your picture noisy and pixelated. EDITING: Editing was okay, but the murder scene should have had more shots and a faster edit pace to match the climax of the story.
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Judge 2
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Judge 3
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