Symphony of Slavery - ID# 583

Batavia

Seven Day Challenge

Entry Description

A young boy is sold to a corporation to do office work.

Recent Teacher Comments

Judge 1

Positives: Having multiple locations worked really well to create the whole world of your film. It also helps to separate different parts of the story based on where they were taking place. Each location also had a lot of props that made it feel very realistic. It shows that you went the extra mile to shoot somewhere outside of your school. The dramatic lighting in the first part of the film also worked really well to set the tone from the very beginning. The heavy shadows and black backgrounds made everything feel eerie and unsettling. It worked really well with the intense music to create the mood of the film from the very start.

Improvements: I understand your idea to not use dialogue and have music carry the entire piece, but I think the whole story was WAY too ambiguous. The audience is never given any information about who these characters are, where they are, or what they are doing. We lack motivation for most of the characters actions, and are not given any concrete information. The lollipops also seem to be focused on, but we aren't told why they are important. We also are never given any info about why the one guy pulls a staple out of his neck. Overall, the story could benefit from a lot of clarification. I can tell that you had the idea in your head, but you need to give more exposition either visually or through dialogue so that your audience isn't left in the dark. There's only one line of dialogue in the whole piece and it occurs at the very end. "it's not my fault" comes out of nowhere and we have no idea who is saying it or who it is being said it. It seems very unmotivated and far too vague for the film to end on that note. Also, since there is no other dialogue in the whole piece, it puts a lot of weight on this line - yet it fell flat since it wasn't given any meaning.

Judge 2

Positives:

Improvements:

Judge 3

Positives: Music choice was great

Improvements: I don't get what happened? Make your narrative more clear. I don't understand why this kid was sold and then why he was tied up. He didnt do anything, and you didnt really give clues to why this was happening.

Judge 4

Positives:

Improvements: