Storybook Ending - ID# 604

John Hersey High School

Seven Day Challenge

Entry Description

A story about detention and finding true love.

Recent Teacher Comments

Judge 1

Positives: You had some really nice coverage throughout - there was a good variety of camera angles and they all cut together pretty nicely. The pacing between the two different storylines worked really well. There was a good balance of screen time between the two, and using the VO to transition us between them was a smart way to move back and forth without it being jarring!

Improvements: The story was quite unclear. Are they reading the story and imagining themselves as the characters? Are we cutting to flashbacks? Is the book controlling what's happening to the characters? (When she says "it's not my fault" does it mean that its happening because its written in the book and she can't control it?) There is no distinction as to which storyline is reality or what this storybook is/why they're even reading this story? The VO of the storybook being read could have been a little bit stronger. There were moments where the reading would awkwardly pause or stumble and it threw off the rhythm. Also there was a slight hum of some background room tone on the VO track - it wasn't horrible, but it became obvious when the VO would begin and end and you could hear the hum also cut in and out.

Judge 2

Positives:

Improvements:

Judge 3

Positives: Narrative structure was interesting but nothing really happened.

Improvements: Very boring, very short. Didnt really have any impact on viewer

Judge 4

Positives:

Improvements: