For Julie - ID# 112
Homewood-Flossmoor
Division: A
Public Service Announcement
Entry Description
PSA for drinking and driving
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/13 10:54 am - There is some shot variety, but more personal close-up shots of the caretaker assisting Julie would create a stronger emotional connection in the story. Music bed & balance are great.
- 3/13 10:53 am - This is a serious message, and the VO pacing and the clips feel just a bit rushed. Allow for more space between each of the things the caretaker does for Julie to let them sink in. This will increase the emotional impact. The inclusion of the car wreckage and hospital picture helped imcrease the impact of the message.
- 3/13 10:53 am - Impactful story showing the interaction of the caretaker with Julie; is the narrator Julie's sister, or it the narrator's sister the one who was the drunk driver? This is a bit unclear and the 'sister' reference that's thrown in at the end is distracting & confusing. "Drinking & Driving Affects Everyone" is solid enough as a closing statement. "Dont Drink & Drive" sounds trite afterwards (overused)
- 3/12 9:48 pm - Positives: Thank you for sharing such a powerful and personal story. It hooked me immediately and you did a great job of delivering your lines with power and dignity. The music was well chosen and not overpowering. Your use of the still photos of the crash and your sister in the hospital were very powerful. The ending shot of your sister before the accident was heartbreaking. This is a great way to grab your audiences attention and "scare them straight" for lack of a better term. Iimprovements: The opening title needed better design. It's very plain and centering the text like that isn't the most attractive way to design titles. Also, asking your audience to read straight away is a risk I don't think you should take. Audiences don't want to read much and if you're going to ask them to read, you should read it with them. The PSA also needed a website or organization name at the end so people have somewhere to go for more information. Not having that creates an incomplete PSA. You need that ending hook to satisfy the natural question of "what can I do?" The shot of the narrator needed to be framed a bit better, as there was too little head space in the shot.
- 3/3 10:06 am - Positives: Real stories matter. This has impact because we know this is real. Those pictures were impactful. The video shots of assistance and care were impactful. The message scares people, which could be an effective strategy.
- 3/3 10:06 am - Improvements: Don't assume people will read the first set of words, right from the start. You should definitely speak those words to make sure you effectively communicate your message. I had to go back to read them again. On the last statement, instead of having the same medium shot away, move to a closeup for when she says, drinking and driving affects everyone.
Judge 1
Positives: Very powerful in making a personal connection with the consequences of drinking and driving and how it can not only affect you but those you love. The girl's testimonial worked very well.
Improvements: Use more variance of shots/camera angles. Having a 2nd camera recording the testimonial from a different angle and very close-up so you have other angles to cut to would work very well. The picture of the sister and the girl giving the testimonial before the accident should be used right at the beginning. It is contextually out of place in the middle or near the end.
Judge 2
Positives:
Improvements:
Judge 3
Positives: Wow. It was brave of you and your sister to put yourself out there and share such a personal story, and you've made your message very impactful in doing so. Kudos for not being afraid of getting personal with your work. Well-written, well-shot and edited.
Improvements: Some slow moves on the photos might give them even more dramatic impact (though they already have plenty).
Judge 4
Positives:
Improvements: