The Forgotten Treasure - ID# 113
Homewood-Flossmoor
Division: A
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
Story about not being able to hear.
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/10 11:01 am - SOUND loved the authentic sounds peppered throughout the video (skateboard). Music choices and levels were well done while talking, but there were times when you moved between different sequences (just music) the levels were not all matched to each other and some parts would be hotter than others. STORY Well written script. You made some beautiful points, some very thought provoking things, but I didn't feel like it ended as strong as the rest of the story. You said you will still be me (and it seems like you never stopped) but I felt like you should have added something along the lines, but a better me because…. And then even at the end "hear that, that is the sound of pure silence" Would have loved another line that just said something like it is not necessarily a bad thing. I don't know it might just be me but I felt it didn't close as well as everything else because I thought all of your other writing was absolutely excellent. I loved the humor at the end about your friends laugh. It made me laugh out loud. CAMERA / VISUALS I didn't understand the importance of opening scene, I thought you could have gone with something stronger (something that would have a noise attached to it that all of us would take for granted). I wished the scenes in the library would have had you wearing differnent clothes but I kept seeing the same flannel for all the library scenes, even though your story/script were moving forward. You had many beautiful shots that I could tell were carefully framed, others with movement. EDITING. Loved, Loved Loved the reverse effect. It wasn't just an effect, but really helped tell the story, nicely done. Skateboarding sequence early on was a little longer than it needed to be. Your scenes moved at a comfortable pace to match the narration. OVERALL. I loved this video, it was well done and thought provoking on many levels. There are a couple of technical issues that in time I think you can correct. As I said before the only hang up for me is that end didn't rise to the same high bar that you set for the rest of it.
- 3/9 8:09 pm - Very personal treatment - a true sense of style. Beautiful visuals-- then the Beatles. I’m thrown by the Beatles- anybody can grab any song off the web, but it doesn’t mean you should do it. The VO is good and delivered well. That said, it doesn't have a true rhythm - there are few beats to break up the constant track. Nonetheless, a visceral power moves us through the film, but Paul McCartney wants his royalties.
- 3/6 3:36 pm - Right off the bat something hooked me. I liked the multiple shots with the slow push in, I liked the reveal of the character and the use of the animation to illustrate the sound waves. I liked the inner monologue. I loved the Beatles music bed, and I loved the audio mix between music bed and monologue. What I didn’t like was the blown out audio levels that kicked in at around :45 — the natural sound (wind) was cool but the levels were too hot, and the music bed came up TOO high in the mix. As a rule of thumb, your levels on the VU meter should be in the following ranges: dialogue should be between -6 and -12 on the VU meter, sound effects, should be between -15 and -21, and music beds DURING dialogue should be between -18 and -24. Even after the skateboarding scene, your mix was too extreme: the inner monologue was fine, but the rise and fall of the music bed was too high. The music bed can come up a little bit in the mix when nobody’s talking, but not to that extreme. Lighting was very up and down; a lot of the daytime classroom exposure was way too bright and overblown. The nighttime in the snow outside was too dark. The ending music was too loud, watch your levels.
Judge 1
Positives:
Improvements:
Judge 2
Positives: The pacing and music enhanced the story, and the voiceover was a unique way to communicate the message.
Improvements: I never felt like the main character was struggling - the realization didn’t hit with me, because I felt like he’d already had that realization at the beginning of the story. I’d consider setting up how he didn’t appreciate the little things more earlier in the narrative to enhance the third act.
Judge 3
Positives: I really like your set up at the top. You intro the character and establish the stakes well. Good use of V.O. (Sounds good too, by the way. Levels adjusted well. I like our hero addressing the camera directly. And I think the graphic while explaining the hearing loss is simple and effective. I also like your camera work on the skateboard tracking shots. Not sure exactly how you got that footage, but it looks pretty slick to me.
Improvements: Very strong vocal acting from your lead. Intimate, personal, believable. I admire the unique narrative, but I do find it a little confusing. Am I watching a documentary? Is it real? Is it fictional? Is this like a Ferris Bueller breaking the fourth wall thing? So that never got clear for me. And maybe it was a bit ambitious, story-wise, for a 5 minute short. The epiphany seemed to come out of nowhere, and it wasn't as impactful for me, the viewer, as it seemed to be for the character. Still, you show good impulses here. Keep at it.
Judge 4
Positives:
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