Make Believe - ID# 143

Neuqua Valley

Division: A

Comedic Narrative

Entry Description

Some kids like to play by the rules. Some don't.

Recent Teacher Comments

• 4/25 11:06 am - The color grading was beautiful. Clever story.
• 4/24 5:18 pm - Great concept. Crosscutting worked well. Special effects were impressive and appropriate to move the story forward.
• 3/14 7:37 am - Good work. Interesting story line, subtly comedic. Good choice to save the kids scenes for a reveal after the adults set the stage. Bringing the kids' live dialogue into their fantasy was a nice touch, and again, holding back at first made it stronger.
• 3/5 2:03 pm - Well done! Story was great - love how you switched back and forth between the real kids and their imaginary world. The characters in both realities were great. Lot of great shots and angles, love how you transitioned and edited between the 2 realities. Sound was good overall; though it seemed like a few of the sound effects might have been a little hot. Watch your VU meter. Overall, very well done!

Judge 1

Positives: Loved the open. Good "cheesy" effects!

Improvements: A few too many whip pans. Some lost focus.

Judge 2

Positives: Ok, first off - great concept. Creative! Loved it! And you worked with kids! Nicely done! It's so, so, hard to nail a concept in less than 3 minutes and you killed it. Loved your narrative structure. Also, not easy. Loved the reveal of the blaster and that we're really in the collective imagination of two kids. Loved the back and forth. Very important in story telling.

Improvements: Ready for some ridiculously minor notes? Main title - loved it BUT it gives away your reveal/hook. It would've been a bigger surprise for your audience if you didn't do the crayon open. Those images telegraphed to your audience kids are involved in this story. Loved the humor behind the Russian interrogator choosing his weapon of interrogation -- you could've pushed the joke further by starting with something legitimate like a set of chains and quickly devolving to utterly ridiculous props like feather dusters and rubber duckies (ok, those were bad examples but you get the idea). That final exchange between the Russian and the American is a lot of fun. My only note would be to be more extreme and therefore more childlike in the dialogue. Calling each other ridiculous kid speak names until the Russian storms out.. I feel like the transition to your ending (superhero blast-off) needed to be teed up a bit. Bad example, your hero says, "Now what?" Then he blasts off.

Judge 3

Positives: I like the interplay between kids and story...very clever and funny

Improvements: Back and forth edits--action kept moving different directions

Judge 4

Positives:

Improvements: