Double Depression - ID# 177
Riverside Brookfield
Division: A
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
This Dramatic Narrative is about a young boy who loses his father and he becomes depressed until his mother brings him the best thing that has ever happened to him. This narrative was produced by a student in RBTV’s TV Arts Production Class.
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/11 10:14 pm - Weak flash transition from first to second scene. No nat sound, only music. When you you resolve, dissolve. I recommend making it work with straight cuts, from the writing to the shooting. Shooting is solid, but the story is simple. More tension could have been portrayed with dialogue. And then ending... abrupt and over the top.
- 3/9 4:42 pm - SOUND Great use of music to help dictate mood and feeling throughout your piece. STORY Story was well told and understood considering there was no dialog. But why so dark? You leave your audience hanging. We are wondering what would happen next, and where you might say it is creative and the audience should decide, you haven’t given us enough clues about the characters to draw our own conclusions as to what might happen, and so I am left feeling empty and saying “that’s it”! ? CAMERA / VISUALS I would have loved to see more diversity with your shots. You shot the majority of this story with these wider safe cover shots. When you lack those close ups you leave your audience to guess what the emotions are, if you want me to feel what the boy feels show me those close ups, if you want me to feel the joy of the new dog give me those close ups of the happy eyes, smile on the face and the dog wagging his tail. I know it is all there in the wide shot, but force your audience to see the story you want them to tell. More diverse shots also move the story along. For example there really are only 3 shots of the boy with the dog, and two of them are basically the same shot just a different angle. Mix it up. EDITING Moved slow at times (because of not enough diverse shots), I also thought you could have set up the dog getting hit better - ie The boy throw a ball, approaching car, the boys face of horror, the screech of the tires.
- 3/6 6:39 pm - Great set up for the story - showing grandpa in hospice and then disappearing. The montage of shots of the mom and kid grieving had appropriate music too. I liked the transition to the happier music when the puppy came into their lives. That montage was also great. Nice camera work overall, clean shots, mostly in focus, smooth movements. Your ending ruined everything. I mean that on multiple levels. The story would have been better if you ended it with the kid finding happiness with the new puppy. Instead, you add in this twist where the puppy gets killed and the kid is wrecked again. But then you just END the story….that’s it. No resolution or revelation about how he grieves and gets through the process.
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