Thoughts of Daryl - ID# 197

Maine South

Division: AA

Documentary

Entry Description

A video letter of a man sharing his fondest memories of his younger brother.

Recent Teacher Comments

• 4/26 2:10 pm - Confusing opener. No lower thirds. Framing of interview is incorrect. Use a tripod. Use a windscreen. Use broll to hide jumpcuts. Need more broll so this isn’t just a talking head. Still confused…who is Daryl? The person interviewed never even introduces himself or says who Daryl is. Eliminate closing transition – has no purpose.
• 4/10 1:16 pm - Great job sharing a powerful personal story reflection. Smart and helpful use of music, but the wind in the audio and the jump cuts really detracted from the overall story. More broll would really help keep the audience engaged throughout.

Judge 1

Positives: I like the nature of this story. The way you shot the photos was great - it is always nice to see a photo in an environment and not just full screen with a move.

Improvements: Audio wind noise was very distracting. I was confused by this story for the first 1/2 of it. Near the end, It all made sense. Consider a set up or short back story - I believe I understand what you were trying to do with the reveal but feel it fell a little short. Not a fan of the wipe transition - consider a simple cut.

Judge 2

Positives: Good personal story. Some nice use of photographs.

Improvements: A windscreen was needed on the microphone. There were some jump cuts which could have been covered with footage/photos.

Judge 3

Positives: The way the film combines a tradition of the diary film with a portrait is clever. The most haunting images are of our subject in the graveyard tending to his younger brother’s grave. The care, attention and tenderness of the action matches the emotion in his voice.

Improvements: The choice to have the interview outside makes sound difficult. The wind noise and background sounds distract, as does the reverb added in the mix. The use of fades to/from white and the peel transition at the end conflict with the bittersweet tone of the subject’s reminiscences.

Judge 4

Positives:

Improvements: