Passion - ID# 33

Deerfield

Division: AA

Dramatic Narrative

Entry Description

A teenaged boy deals with a tough home life and the loss of the only activity that makes him whole.

Recent Teacher Comments

• 4/2 11:33 am - Passion Good shot variety Good use of motion At times, interesting use of color/saturation Some shots a bit overexposed Plot hole - why is he buying a skate deck if he has others on his wall in his room
• 3/11 2:44 pm - Story: The story is fairly well told and easy enough to follow. My real critique of the story is just that it’s a little simplistic and on the nose. The dad is a real stereotype of an overbearing dad, and the suicide at the end is a bit of a cliche as well. Camera: Some beautiful stuff. I love the shot that you use for the opening title. Great work. I’m impressed with your willingness to bring the camera in close, but I have to say that I think you overdo it. You have a lot of superclose shots that crop out too much for me. Same thing for your narrow depth of focus. As much as I admire the idea of the tracking shot of him coming up the stairs when his dad is chewing him out, you’re just too close for much of it. You’ve got good ideas though, and I appreciate your creative eye. Lighting: No big notes for you here (because it’s all pretty solid) except for you final shot. If you’re going for the “lights out” symbolism, I’d wait for nightfall and make it more complete. Sound: Solid work here. Levels seemed good to me. Appropriate music track. All well mixed. Editing: Slick work here as well. Final Thoughts: Good work here. Keep at it.

Judge 1

Positives:

Improvements:

Judge 2

Positives: The narrative was effectively communicated through visual elements (the card not scanning, the main character seeing someone else skate, etc). The single shot of the main character coming home from school and the camera leading him up the stairs definitely added to the drama.

Improvements: The ending left me with more questions than answers. Is it implied that our main character took his own life? Overall, the progressions flowed logically, but the ending seemed rather abrupt and mysterious.

Judge 3

Positives: I think your sound mixing is pretty terrific. Levels are uniformly good. Great, subtle music tracks. Your source audio is adjusted well, so it's effective without ever being overbearing. I also like the creativity of your camera work. Not all of it is as polished as I think would be ideal, but you've got some great stuff. Your lighting is especially strong.

Improvements: The story doesn't knock me out. Overbearing dad makes the skater kid feel unappreciated so he kills himself. I think the most successful shorts have some sort of twist or reveal (often at the end), but this feels simple to the point of being a little cliche.

Judge 4

Positives:

Improvements: