Visions - ID# 375

Maine West

Division: AA

Dramatic Narrative

Entry Description

The Hollands have been married for about a year. All is well, but then John starts having strange visions of the future.

Recent Teacher Comments

• 4/2 11:29 am - Vision Nice use of motion in many of the shots Girl’s acting was believable Storyline solid Record scratch doesn’t work for a dramatic narrative Distortion effects in flashbacks were distracting Many shots (ex. Living room scene) shot from too high an angle In living room scene, man steps out of shot
• 3/10 2:13 pm - Story: The story is clear and easy to follow. My critique is that it’s mostly story development with very little in the way of resolution. You effectively give away the ending with his last vision. So, with no twist and no culminating event, the ending feels like a little bit of a letdown. Camera: Solid work here. My favorite shot is early on where you have the ECU of his eye when he wakes up. Most of your camera work is solid. Not a lot in way of razzle dazzle, but no serious red flags either. Lighting: Seems like you used available light for the most part and made it work well. Some white balance issues here and there, but solid overall. Sound: Good work here. Levels were good. Sound FX work well. I find the 1920s ragtime music track curious, but it works well enough. Editing: Good work here. Story flows. Some well-chosen filters and effects. The ending feels a little flat to me. Maybe closing credits would help? Not sure. Final Thoughts: Lots of good work here. Kudos.

Judge 1

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Judge 2

Positives: The narrative was easy to grasp and understand. The idea of “visions of the future” is an interesting topic to explore.

Improvements: Receiving test results and given a death diagnosis in the span of one doctor’s visit happened really quickly in the narrative. The “twist” of him dying and not the wife could have hit harder in the narrative by strengthening the characters traits and motives in the first two acts.

Judge 3

Positives: Cool, clear story that seems good, in scope, for a 5 minute short. Pace is good- you establish the visions, develop the conflict, and lead to a resolution that feels satisfying.

Improvements: I feel like you focus more on story and performance than most student filmmakers, but you're a little lazy in your camera work. You have a lot of handheld that should really be on a tripod (or some kind of rig, if you have one). Even subtle jiggling can pull us out and give a production an amateurish feel. I don't know what kind of audio equipment you have available, but this sounds very thin and echoey. The good news is that all of these issues are fixable with better equipment.

Judge 4

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