"Pencils" - ID# 426

New Trier

Division: AA

Comedic Narrative

Entry Description

One broken pencil too many sends a kid over the edge...

Recent Teacher Comments

• 4/24 4:15 pm - I really liked the shots of the students entering the room. And the shot when they are watching him. Nice variety of shots. Good story. Great use of close-ups. Music worked well.
• 4/10 10:35 am - Great timing and nice execution of shots, there are a lot of creative angles here making this piece fun to watch. I especially liked the reaction shots, so few people understand the power of the reaction shot and your group nailed it! Moving forward, I would encourage you to find those humorous pieces and punchlines and really set them up more so they pop, rather than have this sort of slow burn that you have here. The humor here is pretty constant, but comedy is all about timing and giving the audience something they didn’t expect. Your shot sequences can help set up the punchline, allowing for the absurd to surprise the viewer. Keep at it, you have a great craft with filming and editing and hopefully you’ll continue to make amazing work!
• 4/2 11:46 am - Pencils Good choice of music Teacher was funny Good job cutting between music and live sound Good acting Some good shots - close up shot of pencil sharpener, pencil bag Well lit Camera shakes when boy gets up from chair Some shots were out of focus Inconsistent music levels Many shots were poorly framed Could have used a wider variety of shots

Judge 1

Positives: The music and sound effects were spot on. Loved the tight shots!

Improvements: It looks like the auto focus betrayed you a couple of times. Best to set the focus.

Judge 2

Positives: Really liked the story of a kid who blows his stack after breaking one too many pencils. It was simple and fun. In life, as well as entertainment, the best ideas are always the most simple. Not easy to act in this kind of piece but kudos to the main character, as well as the supporting. The performance of the teacher on the walk by was nice. Score was fun. Unexpected. Played nicely against the story. Strong beginning, middle and end to the narrative. Sounds easy. Not always executed. Pacing of the story telling was done well thru plot, fantastic show composition and editing.

Improvements: Lots of good stuff here. Only a few notes -- I'm a writer married to a prop master so I notice props. I absolutely loved the hot dog pencil case but wished it had been established up front. When I finally noticed it it was a little distracting because it looked so much like a freaking hot dog. I love the choice but establish it sooner. It helps inform the viewer who the main character is. Also, I wished the pencils were brand new and pristine. Picky note, right?! Brand new pencils tells the viewer a lot about the character of their owner, and supports his OCD nature. Finally, the tantrum at the bin should've been way over the top. Screaming, breaking, throwing the entire trash can out of the window -- that would've really delivered a bigger laugh when he realizes that everyone in the classroom has been watching him lose his... mind.

Judge 3

Positives: Great edits and use of music...great nat sound...funny because who hasn't had this happen

Improvements: Too many tight shots

Judge 4

Positives:

Improvements: