Fatherly Advice - ID# 421
Lake Forest
Division: A
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
A dad's influence on his son throws him off
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/11 9:36 pm - Good opening. The audio doesn’t feel like it’s interior… good montage. Cut to ‘80s, use legal music… Sound mix is way too hot- music is way too high. Also BOSTON is too ‘70s for this period (off by about 7 or 8 years). Lots of camera bobble in the montage. Audio pops- use layered room tone to cover it. White balance and exposure could be improved in school shots. Overall, warrants some careful grading. The story moves - outstanding transitions. Good writing and solid performances. The music-heavy montages work and open up the piece. Excellent job!
- 3/10 5:56 pm - SOUND. Loved how for the most part you defined the chapters with songs, nicely done. Some songs, after dialog, seemed to come in a little hot. I also loved your choice of songs how the lyrics really helped define the theme of the scene. Nice job with that. STORY. Had a hard time following the believability of the story. The son goes to the dad to share about a girl - which I think is pretty vulnerable for some teenagers to do but I am guessing he does it because there is trust when he has done it before and the dad has been there in the past, yet in this instance he seems to shut his son down pretty quick and rather than being surprised the son just kind of storms out, so all the pieces/reactions don't seem to fit together. Maybe I am being over critical, and I fully realize you are trying to compress time, but it just didn't come across the way I am guessing you saw it in your head (your audience doesn't have the "backstory" like you do). I liked the idea you were trying to communicate, that parents were teenagers once too and maybe had the same feelings once as well. Even though the music has changed, the circumstances haven't, and most importantly, that sometimes parents are wrong and can learn from their kids, which I thought you did in a very respectful way. The flashback to the diner in 1984, was filmed in Jimmy Johns, it didn't have a 1984 look to it, especially the Jimmy Johns sign - I don't think Jimmy Johns really took off until the late 80's. Regardless of that technicality, I still would have tried to "dress" the 80 scenes up a little better with clothing or artifacts you could probably pick up at a goodwill store - not a lot just a detail or two to drive the point home. CAMERA / VISUALS. You had some beautiful shots where you paid attention to every detail, and then others that seem so flawed - the one that sticks out the most is the one coming back from the first flashback where the dad is practically falling out of the shot. But to your credit you have so many carefully and artfully framed shots, diverse shots that keep the audience engaged. EDITING. Going in and out the flashbacks was easy to get especially with the haze or filter effect you used in the flashback sequences. To add to the transition a nice touch would have been a common object, or the same pensive look on a close up (zoom in/zoom out). You had some beautifully crafted sequences, the date scene was well done, the part where he was "mourning" also well done. You have an eye for editing and finding things that work together. Great Job, and if you planned all of those details out in production, even better. OVERALL SUMMARY. I see some real talent in the process of putting all the elements together, there a few moments of a weak story line and dare I say even the acting which didn't come across as totally authentic at times is the only thing that held it back. Nice job putting it all together, I would enjoy seeing some of your other work.
- 3/6 6:14 pm - STORY: I liked the concept of the story. I liked the Dad reflecting on his own life and sort of learning from his son’s experiences. I think it makes a powerful statement. CAMERA: The position of the dad’s head as it transitions from present to the flashback should have been the EXACT same shot composition. Where his head was in the frame, how much headroom he had, how much looking room he had, and where his eye line was. If you had accomplished that, your flashback would have been perfectly transitioned visually. Work towards that level of expertise. The single shot of Jenny during the flashback at 1:20 was out of focus. The amount of headroom on the dad when it came back from the flashback was absurd and pointless framing. It’s not like you were showing a bubble above his head with a ghostly image of his memories. In fact, how you SHOULD have ended the flashback is on a single close up or even extreme close up of the dad’s eyes, and then cut or even rack focus out to present day dad, with his head in the same position. That would have been dope. But instead, you just cut back to dad’s head at the bottom of the frame with a bunch of stupid duck pictures above him on the wall. Disappointing. LIGHTING: You need more light across the board. Your subjects never seem to have enough light. Even if you intentionally want a scene to look dark, you still have to light your subjects for sufficient exposure. It looked to me like you were just using existing light or location lighting. That’s some basic level stuff and your cameras don’t have the muscle to shoot QUALITY material in low lighting without making the image soft. So…add more light to everything you do. AUDIO: Be aware of your audio levels. As a rule of thumb, here’s your range: dialogue should be between -6 and -12 on the VU meter, sound effects, should be between -15 and -21, and music beds DURING dialogue should be between -18 and -24. There was a persistent hiss throughout most of the scenes, and then it would cut away during other scenes. Your music beds became distracting after a while; lWAY too loud at most points. I understand what you were trying to do (using 80s music for the flashbacks and modern music to transition back into the present), and that idea was effective, but the actual audio levels were absurdly hot to the point of being distraction. EDITING: Most of your pacing was fine; some of the interchange between present and flashback scenes were actually really solidly paced, like the last ones from 4:02 to 4:12. Not sure if this was done entirely in post or some of it was actually camera (lenses or filters), but I appreciated the very different looks you established for the flashbacks and the present era. The combination of the color correction (that flat 80s look), the noise/grain, and the vignette/edge blurring was cool.
Judge 1
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Judge 2
Positives: Nice job differentiating between the 1984 and present day footage. Visual aspects and music drove the story, which helped communicate your narrative effectively.
Improvements: Some of the audio is inconsistent (hiss on microphones, etc). I also wished for a better payoff for the father - once the audience discovers that he’s married at the end, I had questions about the nature of his marriage, who he wound up with.. does the wife know that he’s still smarting over a relationship from 30 years ago?
Judge 3
Positives: Excellent use of music. At times, during the jump cuts of him in front of the mirror for example, I felt like I was watching vintage John Hughes. I also thought your low saturation 80s filter was pretty effective- subtle and more interesting that just using B & W.
Improvements: Your story is good (and clear) but it ends up feeling broad in scope for a 5-minute short. Everything feels a bit rushed and underdeveloped because you shoved essentially and feature-length plot into 4 1/2 minutes. I also think that although many of your shots look great, your framing is pretty inconsistent. You've got quite a few issues with lead space, head space, and some scenes cross the 180 line pretty badly. Just something to work on moving forward.
Judge 4
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