The Son - ID# 448
Glenbrook South
Division: A
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
After a plague hits the earth, a boy must survive in a troubled, isolated setting.
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/11 10:07 pm - Solid opening, good sound mix and music is good. Levels in the next scene are too hot - VO of broadcaster is not believable - not authentic radio voice, as they say. Great camerawork when you steadicam follow him up the stairs. The boy is speaking up and not giving you a great performance… White balance is off outside - are you going for day for night here? Weird jump cut - was that intentional? Ambitious piece, but what’s the point of the story - there’s no real resolution - we know he misses dad and survived, but...
- 3/11 10:27 am - SOUND. Music helped tell the story, sound levels seemed ok. The radio announcer didn't have a realistic sound to it, it sounded more like something you would hear come over the speakers in a school play. I am not sure if the voice sounded too young, or that it didn't sound like a rebroadcast but it didn't quite fit. STORY. I am sorry this will probably be the section I have the most negative stuff to say. The story was kind of predictable. You dropped bread crumbs (which is good) to tease your audience with scenes and lines, but the crumbs were to obvious which made your story predictable. The other part I had a hard time with is when the boy went out to find food it was kind of weird that he found it where he did, as if cans of food are always hidden in bags by crevices by concrete walls under grass (an old abandoned kitchen might have been a more likely source for cans of food). I know the radio announcer said stay indoors, but I never saw the boy take any precautions about going outside, and I never felt he was in any danger, so what was the risk? Why was he so brave? A good story will pull your audience in so they feel the feelings of your character, I always felt like an outsider looking in on this video. Along those lines the final line of I miss you dad after looking at his dads picture should have been delivered into the camera so I see the boys face, not his backside, again this lets your audience connect as opposed to being an outsider looking in. CAMERA / VISUALS. Some nice steady cam shots that flowed well, liked the angle /creativity of when he knocked all the cups over. Nice location for when he was looking for food - it had a neglected gritty feel (although the bright colored back pack kind of ruined that effect your location was creating). Also, I would have cut the scene after that sequence with the cars in it, it didn't have that dirty neglected look. You also had a few continuity errors (where did the can opener come from, it wasn't on the tray originally). Overall good, diverse camera work. EDITING. The pacing of you video at times seemed a little bit off, for example the shot with the post note on it for more food seemed a little short (or should have been tighter) and then some of the walking scenes up the stairs got a little long. The whole scene at 1:48 came off as to rehearsed, primarily because it was all in one take, cut to tighter shots with each new phrase for a dramatic effect, and to focus on the emotion of the boy - the single wide shot for all the dialogue just didn't' seem to work.
- 3/6 6:33 pm - STORY: I’m a big fan of post-apocalyptic movies. I’m so glad you set up the reason why this kid is by himself. I like the huge amount of locations you used for this - also makes things more believable. Loved the church being his safe house. Took on even more meaning when you revealed Dad’s coffin being there (I assume his coffin - maybe just his memorial or urn). CAMERA: Most of your shots were in focus and your movements were smooth. I liked your framing of shots to keep our reality with the kid and not reveal the rest of the world. I would have cut one shot out through (see editing notes). EDITING: I would have cut the shot from 2:20 - 2:23. It showed too much of the town just looking “normal”. Everything else was paced very well. SOUND: overall pretty solid dialogue and music levels in the mix. The “news” broadcast could have used an audio filter to make it sound a bit more like it was coming out of a little speaker.
Judge 1
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Judge 2
Positives: The calendar with the Xs was a great shot, and solid musical choices were made.
Improvements: The newscaster exposition was a tad clunky - the visuals of the isolation and the calendar could have let the audience figure out the scenario. Also, the pacing was bit slow, especially when the kid was walking around with food.
Judge 3
Positives: You got some pretty slick tracking shots. I'm guessing you have some kind of rig because tracking backwards up a flight of stairs seems really hard to me, but you pull it off quite well. Your lighting is solid as well. I like the location- there's something about a church that instantly creates a mood. Plus the lighting in there is terrific.
Improvements: Post-apocalypse is sort of a hard story to tell in 5 minutes. So, I have to say, this feels a bit forced and rushed. Some of your storytelling is a little clunky- the V.O. is pretty on the nose, and finding cans of Campbell's soup seemed awfully convenient. If you ever have a longer format, this would be a fun genre for you to revisit.
Judge 4
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