Lead Me Not - ID# 96
Glenbrook South
Division: A
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
Elliot has a "problem" and he goes to extreme lengths to "fix" himself.
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/10 12:46 pm - SOUND. Audio levels not matched at times. (for example between opening prayer and the rest the piece). Subtle piano music effectively used when talking with Martin STORY. Maybe I wasn't in a spot to watch this, or ready for this content but even after stepping away for a day and coming back to this one I am not sure what to write (and maybe still a little offended the way you portrayed the church). Your story and feelings might be real and portrayed well but I can't get past your solution for the problem and the reality you are portraying. This is a deep subject and it doesn't seem you offer much hope, and if you are going to tackle a subject like this I feel like you need to offer your audience something at the end other than the easy way out of "hopelessness". CAMERA / VISUALS I know you have a handful of close ups in here but I don't know that you used them effectively to tell your story, get your audience to see exactly what you want them to see, cutaways that drive the point home of your script. It seemed many of your shots were just wide shots of action, I would have loved more variety and focus to draw up that emotion. EDITING. Good balance with your narration and cutaways (dramatization) to your narration. At times it was hard to shift back and forth between the dramatization and diary room type interview because the audio sounded all the same (ie sudden absence of background noise from the dramatization as you move back to the diary room). I did like the small twist at the end that all of the the "diary" thoughts were in the same place he was trying to "convert" the second boy at the end (probably telling him all the stuff that boy number 1 said in his head/narration).
- 3/9 8:30 pm - Opening is strong, but has a buzz in the audio, which is distracting. The shots are dark- in fictional filmmaking, you need to light scenes. The “testimonial” or “confessional” addresses the camera directly works well. A solid performance and elegant writing. Audio issues - hiss on dialogue tracks. Powerful and direct, rich in simplicity - a bit terrifying at the end. A taught and intriguing film. Or should I say.. “Damning” as well… Good work!
- 3/6 5:39 pm - Nice dramatic limbo lighting in the beginning, but I was disappointed when you revealed the main character’s face at :20 and it was out of focus. Bokeh (shallow depth of field) is a beautiful cinematic tool, but your depth is too shallow, resulting in your character’s face not being in focus. Additionally, dramatic backlighting is cool, but you still need SOME lighting up front - either a key light or fill light - so we can see your character’s eyes. After all, the eyes are the windows to the soul. Speaking of lighting - you need to add more light to almost everything. The confessional close up shot of the main character needs a key light so his face isn’t shadowed. The group shot during the church basketball scene needs more light everywhere. Also the TV watching scene was dark - even if you wanted it to look like he’s watching TV in bed late at night, you need more light. Maybe with a blue gel, so it emulates the glow of the TV screen. Audio seems decent; a little noisy at times with some background hiss, but overall levels seem okay. The piano music bed might have been a little too hot in the mix sometimes. The very last scene where both boys are praying had a horribly annoying hum. That’s rather unfortunate, because it’s such a dramatic conclusion with haunting visuals. Kudos on the red lighting for that scene; there’s a lot of implication and symbolism there. Your main actor is actually pretty good. He conveys his lines with believable emotion. The storyline is also good; refreshingly different from many of the other dramatic short films I’ve screened this year.
Judge 1
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Judge 2
Positives: The narrative had a very nice visual flow and pace to it - extremely natural. The music was also an appropriate choice - it enhanced without distracting.
Improvements: The bruise on the arm is a mystery to me. I also desire more clarification about the ending in general: is he working for the center now? The youth group leader touching the boy’s leg is a seminal moment in the film, and it opens up a lot of questions… I wanted more narrative closure on that issue.
Judge 3
Positives: I like your clean shooting style. It's fairly simplistic, but well thought out and effective. You've also got some interesting lighting. I like the symbolism of light and darkness and the way you carry it into wardrobe, set dressing, etc.
Improvements: I found your story a bit overly simple. I feel like I understood the issue by about the 50 second mark, and then you played it out for another 4 minutes with no real twist or substantial development. Initially I figured there'd be a reveal that the issue was something other than homosexuality, so in a sense you tricked me by having no trick.
Judge 4
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