Locked Emotions - ID# 340

Shepard

Dramatic Narrative

Entry Description

Sherman (main character) is in distress about something he sees on the television and reveals that his emotions are only vulnerable when his lock is open. He is attracted by a girl at the train station and this leads him to become relaxed.

Recent Teacher Comments

• 4/26 7:07 am - You have a tendency to hang on your shots a little longer than you need to (for example after mom drops off on day 1, sitting in depot. I liked the premise, but wished, you did a better job of setting it up better so as a viewer I knew what was happening or how I should be feeling. At first watch all I got out of it was trump talking about jobs, the guy isn’t happy with life (I saw no joy and he couldn’t even wave goodbye to his ride), the girl was scared of him, the girl was in an abusive relationship. I didn’t see how all those things were connected, and I am guessing that is not what you set out to do. I think you have the skills to use the tools (camera, music, editing) you just need to spend more time laying out the elements/clues of you story so your audience gets it too.
• 4/25 10:36 am - The story line wasn't very clear, from watching it but then after reading the description it made more sense. Some of your shots were filmed really well. The focus was on point and worked well for the train station shots.

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