Running Out - ID# 235
Glenbrook South
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
Seventeen-year-old Mara's dreams are realized when she gets into her dream college. When Mara realizes that the tuition is too far out of her price range, she goes to extreme lengths to ensure her future.
Copyright Info
Written permission to use music from De Wolfe Music, "Runes" by Om Unit, & "Girl" by "Girl Ray".
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/16 8:04 pm - Some really nice creative shots to that keep the audience engaged. I liked the way you set up this character, it made me sympathetic to her situation, and made me care. I felt bad for her. So, when did she turn the corner and become a thief, I guess I would have liked a scene where she was realizing selling her clothes just wasn’t going to be enough to pay for 4 years at USC. Instead one second, she is giving up clothes that at one point were important to her, and in the next she is suddenly in a store stealing. Give me that scene where she has to “break character” and do something drastic, then stealing from the store will make more sense. Audio seems to pop in and out like going from her closet to the store, it just needs to be bridged better I didn’t get at first that she was invited over at the friend’s house, or was she at her house, is that Laine? Some dialogue to review that she suggested the clothes selling etc. would have helped make all the connections. It just kind of seemed haphazard. I am sure it was clear in your head, but your audience doesn’t know the characters like you do, so I wasn’t sure what to think at first. You spent so much time with good voice over narration I guess I would have loved a little bit more of a lesson at the end about what you learned and why you had a change of heart, it just all seemed so sudden I know you kind of did that but it just seemed so rushed and as a result it lost its impact. You are a good story teller using the tools of the trade between the shots, the music, and the editing, work on the details of your story, and end with is much detail as you started with and you will have something really great.
- 3/10 11:59 am - Positives: Interesting story that's relevant to today's rising college costs! Good location and shot variety. Areas for improvement: Shots in low-lit places look grainy and stand out from the clips before or after. Needs more tension building from one theft to the next, leading to her collapse. Hard cut at the end would have increased the impact over a fade.
- 3/9 7:43 pm - some shots not super clear; ends abruptly; I like the memory shots towards the end
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