The Man in the Red Jacket - ID# 323

Neuqua Valley

Dramatic Narrative

Entry Description

A 5 minute dramatic narrative about an average high schooler getting stuck in a mysterious time loop. The story involves a mysterious gazebo and a curious man who resides inside it.

Copyright Info

All music used in this video was obtained from www.bensound.com in which Neuqua Valley has a paid subscription to.

Recent Teacher Comments

• 3/16 7:41 pm - Appreciated the story being told, often in a dramatic narrative the creators assume what is going on, or assume they will see the key device that unfolds the story – however if those things are missed then confusion begins. So, I appreciated you telling the story. Although at the end, I still am not totally sure what happened, the sadness of your family?, will you get out of the loop? etc. Your storytelling voice was not bad, but a little more inflection or dynamics might have made it a little more dramatic. Music never got in the way, I appreciated that, every now and then don’t be afraid to pull in authentic sounds from the B roll, I know you did a couple of times. When you do that it keeps the video from looking sterile because all that is heard is the voice over. Acting was good, Camera was good. Nice job I appreciated and enjoyed your work.
• 3/10 10:51 am - Positives: Very nice camera work; good variety of interesting camera angles; steady shots. Areas for improvement: Story is a bit unclear and needs more development. "Man" in the red jacket is a teen. Either use an adult, or change the title.
• 3/9 7:35 pm - cinematography spot on; soundtrack good!; end shot with new man could have been longer

Judge 1

Positives: The narrative worked well to draw you in with an interesting plot... an homage to a Twilight Zone episode. Kudos. It's a story that could prove a useful starting point if made into a 15 minute short film for a film festival. The progression of the film follows a steady pace and shows the degradation of Fred's routine quickly. This is quite good. This has a great deal of potential as a time-travelling, multi-verse experience

Improvements: The music and drama was captivating but didn't seem to change as the film began... it was always suspenseful from the beginning without any change to the emotional content from 'routine' to 'creepy.' Some of the plot twists were evident (narratively speaking) but were not addressed. As the film relied on the upside down nature of Fred's regular life, some of the actions after Fred travels to the gazebo could have been addressed. The timeline could have been changed to show some sort of passage of time. After learning his parents left, he plops down on a couch... where was that? Some of the twists were introduced without being addressed clearly. This is only a narrative device, of course... some of the issues could have been shown instead of being told.

Judge 2

Positives: There some nice shots throughout the film. The concept was interested.

Improvements: Films should show not tell. The concept was interesting enough, but there weren't enough visual cues to help sell the narration. Also, the narrator sounded like he was reading a lot of the time and it distracted from the emotions of the story.

Judge 3

Positives: You crafted an intriguing story. I am impressed with the amount of care and planning that went into your project. The pacing was just about perfect. Your editing was spot on. Your shot composition was excellent. At first I was concerned about the handheld camera work. But you kept that under control and didn't have a lot of unnecessary movements. Excellent work!

Improvements: This is an advanced concept. Try experimenting with color correction. Be more deliberate with the choices and color themes of your project. Use colors to enhance the look and feel you are striving to achieve.

Judge 4

Positives:

Improvements: