Trapped - ID# 476
Maine West
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
This short narrative is about a girl who is kidnapped and eventually escapes.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/16 7:57 pm - Good use of sound, and considering you were in a crawl space it generally seemed well lit. I liked the premise of the video and thought you had some great ideas, but I didn’t always get the connections, and at times you made some jumps that left me wondering about a story flaw instead of being amazed at your work. (sorry if that sounded harsh). For example, If I was thrown in the basement, one of the first things I would try and do would be to see if there is a way out, I never see her try, you never show the audience a door that she can’t get past. I think it would have helped the audience understand that there is no getting out. And instead of looking for that way out, she instead decides to listen to the radio, I am guessing there was some significance to it (war of the worlds?) but I didn’t get it so it left me questioning why when I should have been watching your story. Audiences love patterns, and you did a great job of establishing the pattern of food coming down two or three times a day, so what made the guy come down when he did (because he never did before) how did she know he would come down so she could sneak out (because he couldn’t see where she was sleeping from the ladder). I guess I would have loved a scene where she made it look like she stopped eating the food, so he would come down and look for her. The last act of the story has very little audio which is a big risk, as long as the story keeps moving forward. I think it worked in this case because it built a little suspense and made me feel like a climax was coming so good job at making that work. It ended so abruptly, I know it was about her getting out, but I would have loved a few shots of a little bit of self-realization as the captor looked around and realized he was now trapped in a horrible place Few other things I was distracted by, that is more about me than you She should look more hangered after being down there for 5 plus days (assuming 2 to 3 bags a day for food) Where was she? A crawl space? Because I kept trying to figure out what all the black rails and stuff were down there, not that it is important, it just distracted me. Good Job at telling a story, you had some creative elements to it, with a few more intentional clues/scenes for your audiences I think stories like this will really come together for you in the future.
- 3/10 11:21 am - Positives: Engaging story concept, with a good location that seems remote or hidden. Areas for improvement: Good start with the sound design, but there needed to be more of it throughout to build tension, especially at the end (sound of approaching footsteps above, creaking of the trap door opening, anxious breathing, etc.) Lighting is a bit too bright to be scary-- a dimmer or flickering light would have added to the tension. Piece is missing titles. This would be a perfect piece for end titles only.
- 3/9 7:40 pm - bright lights don't really match the mood; doesn't always look disheveled; ending is abrupt
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