PHQ-9 - ID# 546

Lake Forest

Dramatic Narrative

Entry Description

How honest is honest?

Copyright Info

Artlist.io

Recent Teacher Comments

• 3/16 8:10 pm - I loved the idea of this story, and how you can truly see the character develop as he becomes more honest with himself. The music builds, at the right times, your shots are good, the cutaways really help fill in some of the blanks. Where does this story take place? Is he at a Doctor’s office, a clinic, or the school counseling center? It seems like at one point he is in an exam room, but then back out in the waiting area, so I am left to wonder if I missed something. I was annoyed that his pen didn’t write in a heavier ink, I think it would have made it more dramatic and obvious that his answers where moving away from 1’s to 3’s. I didn’t like the way it ended, (a wide shot of his back walking away from the camera) I know the scene before you could see in his face that he wouldn’t run away, but I would have liked the last scene on his face to give me my happy ending to see that while scared he was about to get the help he knows deep down he needs. I felt like it ended suddenly, and that was because the music didn’t seem to have an ending it just faded down in the middle because the video footage ran out. If I might suggest splice your song so the actual end of the song ends when the video ends, and hide the splice in one of your cutaways that had raised audio in it, your audience would then be less likely to notice the splice. Songs generally have a natural end to them, so as your video closes, the song will be closing, and your audience as a result will get that closure instead of seeing black and saying oh, it’s over? I liked the story, so many videos in this category are similar in nature, I enjoyed that you broke away from that mold and tried something new, and meaningful. Good job.
• 3/10 12:09 pm - Positives: Great music for the pace and topic, pensive, relentless; good variety of everyday life scene, locations and activities that kept it real. Areas for improvement: Maybe one additional close-up pause at the end, contemplating whether he will reveal himself through the crumpled survey, before he moves toward help.
• 3/9 7:44 pm - good angles; good storyline; ends abruptly

Judge 1

Positives: The music is very well suited for the narrative quality. Very poignant and subtle... gives a sort of gravitas to the emotional weight of the character. I wonder if this is composed for the film... or some stock music. At any rate, it's very fitting. This could be turned into a nice and effective PSA for teenage depression (or similar)… without words it conveys the drama and subtlety of the subject that cannot be expressed in words (or narrative voice-overs).

Improvements: Could have used a better pen to illustrate the choices being made... production design is about attention to details, and the tiniest details fall short of carrying the narrative along. Perhaps the editing style could have been accomplished with a series of fade-ins... to show the languishing aspects of the character's inner passiveness.

Judge 2

Positives: Very solid editing. The intercutting of the "flashbacks" was done very well. The sound mixing was very solid from scene to scene as well. Very powerful message.

Improvements: The ending was very abrupt. I wish it had lingered just bit longer so the audience could really experience the emotion.

Judge 3

Positives: This is a very powerful piece. You developed the torment the main character was experiencing quickly and effectively. The cinematography and editing support the story extremely well. You were able to get the audience to emphasize with your character. The ending works. He has to make a decision between getting help for problems he "shouldn't" be having or choosing to take the risk and get some help.

Improvements: I am having trouble thinking of meaningful improvements you could make. I suppose you could have a couple more shots of your character interacting with others and having fun as you did in the beginning. I'd also be careful not to change or add to much.

Judge 4

Positives:

Improvements: