Diamond in the Rough - ID# 562

Deerfield

Dramatic Narrative

Entry Description

A gambling habit. An uncle's jewelry store. Two teenagers.

Copyright Info

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sL1gVIgHfWo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjHzsZ1ImXE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfZWgcBuoTw

Recent Teacher Comments

• 3/16 7:58 pm - I loved the story you were telling and how you told it. Your main character does an excellent job delivering his lines. While he is talented, I think he is also able to shine because there is a great story with some lines that allow him to have some depth. You have a great understanding of how to pull all the elements together, your music starts and stops when it should, for example the whole scene with the uncle on the phone was done well. Your camera movement and framing is pieced together really well great job editing. I didn’t like that it ended so abruptly, I know he said “were not done yet” but I didn’t’ know if that meant for tonight, or if there would be future jobs, and then suddenly it was over. guess with all the close ups and acting from the main character as he turned and walked asway from his friend I would have expected a wink, and halfcocked smile, something to tell me that this wasn’t the last of these kind of capers. You put together many elements of great story, and I didn’t really feel like all that much happened, and yet it was fun to watch the whole time. Great Job  
• 3/10 11:24 am - Positives: Great opening setup; nice overhead shot as you enter the building; pacing and shot selection are solid. Good use of audio effects for the phone call voiceover. Areas for improvement: You have an incomplete story... how is it resolved? Titles are missing.
• 3/9 7:39 pm - could have used some color correcting; some audio off

Judge 1

Positives: Nice 'caper' type of music used. Very dramatic, light and progressive. Very comedic in terms of the pacing and editing. Camera work was achieved with multiple set ups and competent set ups. The dialogue was snappy and chatty.

Improvements: Story needs a resolution, or a stronger one, at least. It didn't feel like a very satisfying ending... I think it could do with a remake into a 12-15 minute short film for festivals. Sound was a bit weak. Too much reverberation and could have benefitted from more attention to sound. When it works, the sound is so subtle that it enhances the film... but when it fails, you can't do anything to salvage a good story.

Judge 2

Positives: The camera work was great. The dolly in and panning back and forth during the dialogue scene was very effective. Definitely paid homage to Oceans 11. Both actors did a pretty solid job.

Improvements: The characters lacked any growth and the tone lacked any real sense of conflict.

Judge 3

Positives: You wrote an involved and interesting story shot at several locations. There was a good balance between long shots, medium shots and closeups.

Improvements: You have a variety of shot compositions. However, most of them were shot at eye level. You don't have to get extreme with different angles, but try including some that are above or below eye level. Experiment with color correction and contrast. You can enhance the look of your project with little effort. Think about how colors can impact the feel and mood of your story. Make sure that your projects ends properly. It flies like the story has completed. But the final image just cuts off with nor fade out or credits.

Judge 4

Positives:

Improvements: