Clark Davis - ID# 577
West Chicago
Dramatic Narrative
Entry Description
A young isolated teen in your average high school reflects upon his life and the hardship he faces as he contemplates what he should do.
Copyright Info
Recent Teacher Comments
- 3/16 7:57 pm - I thought your opening was really well done, I liked how the shots got closer and closer it really pulled me into the story, and focused my attention on what you wanted me to see great job. There were times I would have liked to see that same intentionality you used in the opening shots through the rest of your piece. For example, while he was eating alone, give me some close up to show his misery, give me a shot of him alone in the foreground, with crowds of people all together in the background. And when you introduce your main character, Clark Davis, put the camera on just him, you had a shot of 3 or 4 people sitting at the table and I didn’t know which one was Clark. If you want your audience to hate him too, then again, give me those shots that make him look a little more despicable. The music choice was good, it communicated good times, which is what high school is supposed to be, but not for our main character – I liked the contrast. I understand the is episode 1 and maybe there is more to follow, but you spent so much time talking about how much the character hates clark. You established it, as an audience I didn’t need to be convinced anymore, you spent more time trying to communicate his anger and hate I wanted to see what was coming next, not because you built so much suspense, but because it started getting repetitive and I was waiting for what was coming next. (what made it worse is your audience already knows how it ends, so we are all the more anxious to see what exactly happened that got Clarks blood on his hands. There is a lot of potential, I would like to see more, and felt like if you managed your time more with your story I could have seen more. Maybe next year we can see Episode 2?
- 3/10 11:20 am - Positives: Very engaging opening :30 with effective enhancement of the breathing audio; some shot variety and interesting angles are used. Good job portraying the main character as isolated. Areas for improvement: Looking for the connection from the opening 30 seconds to the rest of the piece... the hoodie is the only visual that connects to the rest of the story. Perhaps some unusual shoes in the front end that appear at the end of the episode would tie it together. Otherwise the last 3:00 feels like a separate story. Images of Clark don't really show him surrounded by people who look up to him, and don't portray them as 'idiotic goons'. Clark could have been show to at least ignore the main character in the cafeteria or make him feel invisible.
- 3/9 7:39 pm - some lighting and stabilization issues
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