A Conversation With Yourself - ID# 104

Oak Forest

Dramatic Narrative

Entry Description

A young man is expeiriencing writers block while trying to write a screenplay. A friend tries to help him use new strategies to think of ideas and build a solid story. Used uncopyrighted music from Final Cut Pro

Copyright Info

Recent Teacher Comments

• 4/29 5:38 pm - The choices of shots were solid, but the grainy footage took away from the good decisions. Still, I could tell each shot was well-thought out. The dialogue was really solid. Dialogue is a big leap forward for a lot of filmmakers, and you really excelled here. Overall, I really enjoyed the story and could see this being shown in a lot of screenwriting courses.
• 3/10 8:27 am - I really liked the concept and truthfully I think there is a side to me that I would show it to my young film students, however I just didn’t feel like the video kept up with the brilliant writing of the piece (you clearly have listened to your teacher, or done your research because the narration was great). I appreciated that you switched up your shots in the first half of your video, but in the end they all looked the same just the angle would change, I would have loved some more close ups peppered throughout the segment to get your audience to focus on something specific, all of those wide shots had so many distractions in the background of your basement that I started focusing on that instead of the text of what was being said. Considering this is a conversation in his head I would have used your subject in the lazy boy chair, with lights that only illuminate your subject and not the background. Add some slow pans or zooms with that and I think you would have some very effective visuals to match the thoughtfulness of the script. Watching it a second time, I can see a lot of care put into what you were saying, I just wish the video delivered as well as your story did. Were we supposed to see the person (the voice in his head) or not, it was weird to have the head cut off, and try and figure out if just a bad camera shot. I was so distracted by figuring out when the face was eventually showing that I was having a hard time following the story. I would have loved to see more emotion out of the character, this piece really lacked passion, so it made it hard for me to get into.

Judge 1

Positives: • The overall story arc and concept worked well; The way everything builds to the ending is great. • The difference between characters is distinct; Our lead character is somewhat lost and disaffected, while his 'inner thoughts' are confident, thoughtful and almost fatherly.

Improvements: • The choice of actors could be stronger- someone who can better display the emotions and anguish felt by having writer's block would help keep me engaged. • The main location doesn't have great lighting- this also makes it harder to stay engaged- most of the film is tungsten and dark, very distracting.

Judge 2

Positives: The mood of the environment, as established by the red light, gives an impressionable beginning to an otherwise pedestrian scene. The fast cuts showing a montage of images with friends are particularly effective. The reveal at the end of the sequence showing that the character is all alone, by himself, is successful and fulfills the title requirements nicely. The ‘dialogue’ between the two are very well done; while they’re discussing the lack of effective conversations, the conversation that takes place is, ironically, quite successful.

Improvements: The lighting of the central character is shown to be a bit lacking. More lighting to show the writer under better circumstances would be useful. The quality of the sound is an issue; it sounds a little tinny. Carpeting and or sound absorption padding (i.e., furniture blankets) could have been very effective. The white balance when the writer exits the shower is a little lost due to the bright backlighting and another angle to mitigate this might have avoided this slight, but no less visible mistake.

Judge 3

Positives: A simple story told well is a great start! I appreciate the stillness of the camera and that the film is not trying to jazz the story up with flashy tricks.

Improvements: I can hear the dialogue well but the quality is not high. Even with a cell phone, you can get better quality via certain apps like Dolby On. Lighting coverage needs to be more consistent to get a higher quality look.

Judge 4

Positives:

Improvements: