The Walk To Work - ID# 91

Oak Forest

Dramatic Narrative

Entry Description

On his way to work, something odd happens to this average Joe. The only question is, is it all real? All music is acquired from Adobe Stock which I have a personal subscription to.

Copyright Info

Recent Teacher Comments

• 4/29 4:05 pm - The opening was awesome. The buildup was engaging, and even the reveal that it was just a light story worked as well. However, the “Alyssa is done” part was not clear. If you submit it to other festivals, I would also suggest cutting the "I gotta tell you the dream I had." This both took away from the story - making it unreal - and also didn't fit with the humor of him using it as a sales pitch. The story and humor work best with this being a sales pitch. With the "dream" component, it doesn't make as much sense. The cinematic color and aspect ratio added to the drama. I especially liked the one-point framing at 1:22 and 3:19. Overall, the acting and direction were solid. Great vision. The story's confusion and the audio issues took away from an otherwise very impressive short. Something very noteworthy was that the Southern accent felt offensive and didn't sound real. When it seemed like the short was turning into a commentary on slavery, I was going to begrudgingly give the kidnapper's Southern accent a pass. However, with the humorous ending, this fake accent really did not feel appropriate. It would be different if it was the actor's real speaking voice, but it wasn't a convincing accent. The video editing, especially in the beginning, was excellent. However, the film could have used more J and L cuts. The audio cuts were often noticeable and jarring. For example, at 1:21, with the close up of him breathing. I understand if you want to have that breathing louder with the closeup. However, not hearing it at all when we cut to the wide shot is noticeable. Having him continuously breathing throughout this scene would have made a big difference. Overall, really great job with the edit, but the audio needs to be cleaned up and I would reconsider how the final minute is edited. Each self contained scene was impressive and world building. However, they didn't all connect as clearly as they could have. The creativity in all aspects of production showed great skill and promise.
• 3/10 8:20 am - Loved the variety of shots, but it This seemed more like a cinematography reel than a dramatic narrative because at the core there really is no story (but a lot of beautiful shots). Guy gets abducted to be forced to work on a farm, but there are so many unanswered questions as a result. How do you solve all of the plot holes created? the answer is… it was all a dream. A little cliché. Don’t get me wrong all the pieces are in place and you really have the skills to use sound, camera, editing, and acting to tell a great story, you just really didn’t tell a story. Some other more specific notes, If you wanted me to believe he worked in an office pay attention to the details like the sign that says “reserved for traveling staff” pick a location that helps with the setting better. Clearly when I saw that, and saw your main character at a school I am thinking high school student, not businessman. Also, when he was dragged out of the car, he was in suburbia, not a farm, pay attention to what sneaks into your frame so the visual story is not different from the story you are trying to tell. Again, you might argue that because it was all a dream things were a little off, but I would tell my students that is an excuse for lazy visual story telling. Finally, not a fan of all the violence, I think there are more creative ways (and you touched on some of it – hiding some of it while hearing the punches) to communicate the brutality of the situation. You maybe didn’t break any of the festival rules with violence, but I think you really pushed the envelope, and you didn’t need to.
• 3/9 7:13 am - Story: Interesting concept and creative Camera: Good shot selection Lighting: Great. really added to the mood of the story Audio: Score enhanced scenes. There were pockets of the dialogue scenes where the audio was off Editing: Cuts were on point and color correction was well done.

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